The Parson Place Newsletter
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Humor
Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!
Church Bake Sale
Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies' group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.
She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."
So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. She found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper.
She plunked it in and covered it with icing. The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.
Alice then gave her daughter some money and instructions to be at the sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was beside herself.
A couple of days later, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the game a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.
When Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (a prominent church member) say ... "Thank you; I baked it myself."
The Mystical Man
There was a very ancient and wise man who wandered the earth in search of wisdom. He walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet, he often suffered from bad breath.
He became known as – you’re going to hate this – a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Hymns vs. Choruses
An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.
"Well," said the farmer, "it was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns."
"Praise choruses?" said his wife. "What are those?"
"Oh, they're OK. They are sort of like hymns, only different," said the farmer.
"Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife.
The farmer said, "Well, it's like this - If I were to say to you: 'Martha, the cows are in the corn' - well, that would be a hymn. If on the other hand, I were to say to you: 'Martha, Martha, Martha, Oh Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA, the cows, the big cows, the brown cows, the black cows the white cows, the black and white cows, the COWS, COWS, COWS are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn, the CORN, CORN, CORN.' Then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well, that would be a praise chorus."
The next weekend, his nephew, a young, new Christian from the city, came to visit and attended the local church of the small town. He went home and his mother asked him how it was.
"Well," said the young man, "it was good. They did something different. They sang hymns instead of regular songs."
"Hymns?" asked his mother. "What are those?"
"Oh, they're OK. They are sort of like regular songs, only different," said the young man.
"Well, what's the difference?" asked his mother. The young man said,
"Well, it's like this - If I were to say to you: 'Martha, the cows are in the corn' - well, that would be a regular song. If on the other hand, I were to say to you: Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry. Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth; Turn thou thy whole wondrous ear by and by; To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth. For the way of the animals who can explain; There in their heads is no shadow of sense; Hearkenest they in God's sun or His rain; Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced. Yea those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight; Have broke free their
shackles, their warm pens eschewed; Then goaded by minions of darkness and night; They all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn have chewed. So look to the bright shining day by and by; Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn; Where no vicious animals make my soul cry; And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.' ... Then if I were to do only verses one, three and four and do a key change on the last verse, well that would be a hymn."
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Inspiration
Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton
This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. Go to the AWFUMC's archives page to read past issues. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.
L I T T L E Things
Author Unknown
After Sept. 11th, one company invited the remaining members of other
companies who had been decimated by the attack on the Twin Towers to share their available office space. At a morning meeting, the head of security told stories of why these people were alive..... and all the stories were just: L I T T L E Things.
As you might know, the head of the company got in late that day
because his son started kindergarten.
Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring
donuts.
One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in
time.
One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because
of an auto accident.
One of them missed his bus.
One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to
change.
One's car wouldn't start.
One went back to answer the telephone.
One had a child that dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he
should have.
One couldn't get a taxi.
The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of
shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.
Now, when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to
answer a ringing telephone ... all the little things that annoy me, I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment.
Next time your morning seems to be going wrong, the children are
slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; God is at work watching over you.
May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little
things, and may you remember their possible purpose.
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Christian News and Issues
Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.
World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)
Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)
Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)
Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk
Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)
Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.
Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).
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Recommended Web Sites
BiblePlaces.com
Beautiful photos of the Bible lands await you at this excellent site!
Christian Monitor
Keep track of happenings with persecuted Christians from all around the world.
All About God
"For Seekers, Skeptics, and Believers"
God Allows U-Turns
For Christian Readers and Writers
Picasa Software for Free!
Google has purchased Picasa and is giving away their software for free. Picasa can be used to manage your digital photos. The software will transfer photos from your digital camera, organize, edit, print, and you can even order prints with it. It used to be $29 before Google purchased this company.
The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)
The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:
http://www.ChristianWebSite.com/search/New/
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This Issue's Web Tip
Despite what you may think, Microsoft's Internet Explorer (IE) is not the only web browser out there. While IE dominates the Web because Microsoft makes it the default with every Windows system, there are other options available for you to try, too. For instance, there's the old grand-daddy of all web browsers, Netscape, the one that dominated the Web before IE came along. You can download it from Netscape's web site; and then there's Mozilla, Netscape's original code base, which includes several different browsers which you can download from Mozilla's web site. One other popular browser is Opera, which gives IE, Netscape, and Mozilla perhaps their greatest competition, and you can download it from the Opera web site. I really like its built-in chat feature.Download one or more of these alternatives and give 'em a try. You'll be amazed at what they can do!
If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.
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Final Remarks
Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.
God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. God bless!!
IHS,
mike
Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com
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Sponsors' Spot
To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!This month's sponsors: eBook Advertising and Creative Trading. Post your ad in the next new release of an ebook from eBook Advertising and watch your traffic grow! Or, take a look at the web business software and ebooks offered at Creative Trading!
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A turnkey business of Digital downloadable software and e-Books with their own mini websites or purchase the product you need to enhance your business. Newsletter subscribers receive fr*e*e software & e-books to help them with their online business. Subscribe Fr*e*e at http://www.masteresalerights.info/freedownload.htm. Contact Mary Keith by email at mary@masteresalerights.info for more information.
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