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The Parson Place Newsletter

September 2006   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* My book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, is available for purchase in the online shops of some of the major bookstore chains. You can buy it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and Cokesbury, among others. Go to the Froogle web site and type in the search term, "digital evangelism", and you'll find numerous links to other online stores that carry it. If you want to get it from your local Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million, or Cokesbury branch, or any other bookstore, for that matter, you may need to ask them to order it for you. It is also available for ordering in the United Kingdom. Just give the book sellers the book's ISBN -- 1-59581-120-6 -- to place the order from any book distributor in North America or the UK. You'll need to compare the cost of shipping versus local taxes to see which way is the better buy for you.

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. These will make wonderful gifts to accentuate any books you give to your family and friends, or even for yourself. Remember -- you get FREE shipping on all bookmark orders, too!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Christmas is upon us, so check out what they have to offer now!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!


Snack Time

My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting, the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar. "What are the attributes of this apple," she asked, "and how do they relate to our diet?" "Low in calories" and "lots of fiber" were among the answers.

She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and concluded, "Apples are not only more healthful, but also less expensive. Do you know I paid seventy-five cents for this candy bar?"

We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat. From the back of the room, a small voice spoke up, "I'll give you a dollar for it."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Quality of Life

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room when he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out all of his beer!

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Park Sign

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Margate over the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it, but it was very small, and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign, so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.


"What did it say?"

"Don't stand up in the car!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Rose Plague

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death."

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge.

"Nuns with scissors."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

All Aglow

A mother firefly and her brood were out for a walk. 'Whatever happens,' mom ordered, 'don't shine your light. I don't want you eaten by owls.'

Sure enough, after a little while, she spotted the youngest one glowing behind her. 'You heard what I said,' scolded the mother. 'Why did you disobey?'

'Well,' said the little one, 'when you gotta glow, you gotta glow.'

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Quotable Quotes

"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Mark Twain

"The reason people blame things on the previous generations is that there's only one other choice." - Doug Larson

"Buffet" is a French term that means, "Get up and get it yourself." - Greg Ray

"The first thing dieters lose is a sense of humor." - Unknown

"All the world loves a lover - except people who are waiting to use the phone." - Milton Berle

"A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses." - Unknown

"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day." -Sally Koch

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for these quotes!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: Time Passages
by Rev. Michael L. White

With each seasonal transition, as from summer to autumn, I am reminded again of the rhythm of life -- from birth to death. As I get older, I am truly amazed at how fast time seems to pass by me. When I was a child, a day seemed like a week, a week like a month, a month like a year, and a year like a lifetime. My parents and other adults used to warn me that the day would come when I would wish for time to slow down for me, but I found it hard to believe. They were right about time speeding up, but they were wrong about me wishing it to slow down. If anything, I am eager to rush through the rest of my life, so that I may race into the arms of my Savior.

My childhood and youth now seem a distant blur in my memory, and my young adult years are fading fast in my mind, too. I sometimes wax nostalgic about when I was more carefree, or when I was just starting out in my adult life, eager to take on the challenges of the world, or when my young children sat happily on my lap with my arms around them while I read stories to them, but I don't want to go back, not even to fix some things, for I fear that would change who I am now for the worse. I am a product of the sum total of all my life's experiences, both good and bad. Yes, even the bad times in my past have contributed to make me the person I am today. If I was able to remove some of the difficulties of my past, perhaps I would not have seen my need for God in my life or for Christ as my Savior. No, I'll keep my heartbreaks and heartaches, my pain and suffering over lost hopes and dreams, my broken relationships mended, while I yearn to restore others still as yet unmended.

The time is coming soon when I will depart this wicked world, through death or at Jesus' return for His Church, and I welcome either. I long to live with my Lord, to forget what lies behind and press on toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13, 14). That time cannot come soon enough for me, when my hope will be fulfilled and my peace and joy will finally be full and complete.

Some may say I've become so heavenly-minded that I'm no earthly good, but if that was the case, I believe God would have already taken me. No, I believe He has left me here because I still have work to do for Him. Like Jesus, "...I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how am I straightened until it be accomplished!" (Luke 12:50 KJV), and like the Apostle Paul, "For I am in a strait between two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you." (Philippians 1:23, 24 KJV).

I pray that I will accomplish swiftly my life's purpose according to Christ, so that I may move on upward to my glorious, eternal reward. I hope to see you there, too. I'll look for you in the everlasting morning by the golden gate.

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

The Berlin Wall Between Church and State
A blog with lesser-known news stories.

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: Labor Day (September 4th, in the USA)
All links open in a new window.

Continuing the theme of fulfillment of end time prophecies from last month, I call your attention to Joel 2:28 and Acts 2:16-21, where both Joel and the Apostle Peter proclaim that God's Spirit will be poured out upon God's people, both men and women. I mentioned a number of present-day prophets and teachers last month, and this month, I want to refer you to a few more, including some great women that God has raised up to proclaim His word and His coming. Two such women that I find full of God's Spirit are Beth Moore and Joyce Meyer. Another Messianic Jew who is evangelizing the people of Israel is Jonathan Bernis. I urgently invite you to browse each of their web sites for more information about their respective ministries, the last days, and the return of our Lord. Before you browse those sites, however, let me strongly recommend the following video at You Tube. It'll really make you think. Brothers and sisters, lift up your heads, for our redemption is drawing nigh (Luke 21:28)!

In the twinkling of an eye, and as the lightning shines from the east to the west, so shall the coming of the Son of Man be (1 Corinthians 15:2 ; Matthew 24:27).

Jewish Voice Ministries International
Jonathan Bernis is a Messianic Jew who, like the Apostle Paul, has a burning heart's desire to share the Gospel with "the Jew first, and also to the Greek [or Gentile]" (Romans 1:16). You can watch his TV show, "Jewish Voice Today", on the Inspiration Network and other cable or satellite television networks or via video from his web site.

Living Proof Ministries
Beth Moore and LPM are "dedicated to Biblical literacy and a commitment to guide believers to love and live on God's Word." Watch Beth each Wednesday as a guest segment on Life Today, the TV ministry of Life Outreach, with James and Betty Robison. Life Today airs on the Inspiration Network and TBN, among others.

Joyce Meyer Ministries
You can also watch Joyce Meyer's "Enjoying Everyday Life" on the Inspiration Network and TBN, among others.

The History of Labor Day
The U. S. Department of Labor's web site explains the history and observance of this holiday in authoritative detail.

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

Have you ever wished you could revisit a web site when you reopen your browser and have it load automatically without having to choose it from your Favorites menu or make it your home or start page? Well, in Internet Explorer 7 (IE7, still in beta), you can add a shortcut to any web site of your choosing directly onto your desktop. Simply select File | Send | Shortcut to Desktop from your browser menu, and it's done in a snap! Now, next time you want to start your browser with that site loaded at start-up, simply double-click that web site's icon on your desktop, and your browser will load it. You don't have to change your home page selection in your Internet Options, and you can always delete the icon from your desktop later, when you no longer need or want it there. Of course, you can still save it to your Favorites menu, too, for archival purposes.

To acclomplish this task in Firefox or Netscape, you'll have to drag and drop the URL, or the icon, in the URL address bar to your desktop. Opera doesn't offer either option, so you'll have to resort to basic Windows operations to create desktop shortcuts for it. I haven't checked other browsers, so you'll need to investigate those for yourself.

That's all for now! If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

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Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!
You have a burden on your heart to
reach the world for Christ. Where do
start, and what do you do next?
Get this book and find out!

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