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The Parson Place Newsletter

September 2005   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* It's here! I've just released a brand new software title I've developed for the Parson Place Software Creations collection. If you're looking for an easy-to-use computer program that enables folks with little or no HTML coding knowledge to create their own web pages in a snap, then Page Pump 2.0 is just what you've been waiting for. More advanced HTML programmers can also use it to create their own web pages quickly and easily. All you have to do is type your web document's text, then point and click on the command buttons to automatically create your web pages. Read more about it now!

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. By the way, my book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, now has a specialty bookmark that matches its cover art as well. Look for the link on the book's order page, just above the "Add to cart" button. FREE shipping on all bookmark orders!

* Are you looking for great software at affordable prices? Broderbund Software has just what you're seeking, a wide variety of titles, including educational, games, business, and professional. See what they have to offer!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!

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* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertise in The Parson Place Newsletter? View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!

Insurance Claim

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim.

As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take.

Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

How To Train A Cat

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."

I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Meet Your Neighbors

As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block.

All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly. They glared at us with looks of disgust. Suddenly, we realized why.........

we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*


Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.

When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johhny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating...

"If I can't eat, I won't pay!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: A New Direction
by Rev. Michael L. White

The long-awaited news about whether I was to be selected for promotion to Major as a chaplain in the U. S. Army finally arrived when the official promotion list was published on Thursday, 18 August 2005. Those who weren't selected were notified the afternoon before to avoid having them find out in an insensitive, unprofessional manner. I learned that I wasn't to be on that list -- for the second time -- on Wednesday, 17 August. Because this is the second time, it means I now have six months to leave the active Army. The Army's policy is: you get two looks, and it's either up or out.

I can't say I wasn't expecting it, for I suspected this would happen all along. I can't explain it; I just had a feeling about it. My personal feeling is that if God had intended my selection in this process, He would have guaranteed it on the first consideration. However, I waited for this second consideration, just to be sure He hadn't postponed my selection for reasons known only to Him.

During this past year, my constant prayer has been: "Lord, if You want me to stay in the active Army, You make sure I get promoted, and if I am NOT promoted, I will take that as a sign from You that You want me to go in a new direction." Well, I guess He has made His decision clear to me now.

Having said all this, I am starting to contemplate with some measure of excitement what God has in store for me next. All I know at this point is that God has blocked my option of continuing my career as an active duty Army chaplain. I have a couple of options to consider with the Army Reserve, but I'll wait on discussing those until I know what God wants me to do. I will announce it here when I know for certain.

In the meantime, I strongly desire your prayers that God will make His plan for me known explicitly to me. Don't pray for me to get what I want, but instead, pray for God to get what HE wants. To do the Master's will is my earnest desire right now. I'm not entirely sure which direction I'll be going from here, but this one thing I do know: it will be in a new direction.

Thank you for your prayers, your concern, and your supportive encouragement. They mean the world to me. Enjoy the waning days of your summer (or winter, for those of you in the southern hemisphere), and may God bless you!

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: Labor Day (5 September)
All links open in a new window.

Labor Day
Features useful information significant to the organization and history of Labor Day around the world.

Demopolis District UMC Web Site
Recommended by Rev. Walter Albritton, this site contains lots of information about the Demopolis, AL, District in the Alabama-West Florida Conference of The United Methodist Church. It is maintained quitely nicely by Rev. Steve Wiley, husband to the Demopolis District Superintendent.

Digital Evangelism Revised
Gordon Hesketh, founder of Digital Evangelism Inc., and webmaster for the newly revised Digital Evangelism web site, has taken his ministry in a new direction. Be sure to check it out to see what it entails, and show your support today!

Trend Micro's Housecall Scanner
Has your computer's processing speed slowed to a crawl? Are you inundated with pop-up ads, even when your browser isn't running, and even when your pop-up blocker is supposed to be active? Has your browser's start page or search page mysteriously changed without your knowledge or consent? If you answered yes to either or all of these questions, your computer is most likely infected with spyware, adware, and possibly even a virus. Go to Trend Micro's Free Online Virus Scan web site for a free scan of your computer's hard drive and system files to check for viruses, Trojan Horse programs, adware/spyware, etc. It found some stuff on my computer that Norton missed! It's truly effective!

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)
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This Issue's Web Tip

This issue's web tip is for the new, wildly popular, Firefox web browser. If you want to give it a try, you can download it for free from http://www.getfirefox.com.

Once you've downloaded and installed Firefox, one of the first things you'll notice is that it uses tabs to display mulitple windows within the Firefox main window. This makes it much easier to switch between browser windows. You simply click on the tab of the window you want to view, and it will display.

If you wish to open a new tab to launch a new window so you can check out another site without leaving the site you're currently viewing, all you have to do is press the CTRL+T keyboard combination, and a new tab will open with a blank window. Now, just press the ALT+D keyboard combination to automatically move your cursor to the address box and begin typing in the URL of the site where you want to visit. Press ENTER when you've typed in the URL, and Firefox will take you to it, assuming you've typed the URL correctly, of course.

That's all there is to it! If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

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