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The Parson Place Newsletter

October 2004   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* The Parson of Parson Place has recently updated his latest software creation, QuickSort 1.0, to version 1.1. QuickSort quickly and easily sorts your text lists into either alphabetical or numerical order. Version 1.2 will be out soon, and Version 2.0 (a paid version) will follow shortly after that. You can download the FREE version from the QuickSort registration page, so get your copy now!

* The Parson of Parson Place has just finished his first book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too! Hopefully, it will be available for purchase later this month, in plenty of time for Christmas shopping, so be on the look-out for an email announcement in your in-box!

* Have you checked out the Parson Place Forum yet? You can post messages and read messages others have posted on the following topics: General, Christian Issues, Christian Writers, and Military Chaplaincy, with more to be added later. Reply to one of my ice-breaker posts and/or post some new ones of your own. I invite you to go there right after you finish reading this month's newsletter. Just click on the Parson Place Forum button on the navigational menu at the left.

* Are you looking for great software at affordable prices? Broderbund Software has just what you're seeking, a wide variety of titles including educational, games, business and professional. See what they have to offer!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!

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* If you're interested in earning extra cash from the comfort of your home, why not start your own business on the Internet?

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* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertise in The Parson Place Newsletter? View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!

The Texas Three-Kick Rule

A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's shin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick landed square on the man's nose. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn!"

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Two Last Requests

A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arrangements. As part of these arrangements she met with her pastor to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc.

She told her pastor she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindales.

"Bloomindales!" the pastor said. "Why Bloomindales?"

"That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*


A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word. She pauses, reflects, and then she says, well then, let it read: "Fred Brown died."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries.

She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, "Fred Brown died. Golf clubs for sale."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. Go to the AWFUMC's archives page to read past issues. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: Autumn Time
by Rev. Michael L. White

NOTE: Those Parson Place subscribers who are residents of the Southern Hemisphere (such as Autralia, New Zealand, and South Africa) will simply have to bear with me as I relate my experiences here in the Northern Hemisphere. I trust the coming of Spring is every bit as exciting to you as Autumn.

Autumn is a fun and exciting time of year. The air begins to cool. The leaves turn brilliant colors. We engage in festive activities like state fairs, football, and carving pumpkins, turkeys, and hams. These are the activities that get me truly excited, because I associate the onset of Fall with the coming of Thanksgiving and Christmas, two of my favorite holidays of the year. I'm already beginning to look forward to the coming of both, though they're still two or three months away. That's just the way I am. I enjoy reminiscing about the past, but I prefer looking forward to the future. I'm always looking forward to what comes next in life. Some call that wishing my life away, but when I consider how much better my next life (in Heaven) will be, I wish for the future all the more. Since life in Heaven will be eternal, I can no longer be accused of wishing my life away, because even after a few hundred millennia have passed (that is, if time in Heaven can be measured in such a way), I'll still have as much life to live as I did the moment I entered glory. Truly, I can hardly wait to get there!

As we transition into a new season, I encourage you to relish every moment, to engage in all the fun you can, not because life is short, but because life is eternal. Don't look upon life as something to be spared, but as something to be shared. Find someone to share it with. Take a child on a nature walk. Take your lover on an evening stroll, hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm. Take a walk with God and listen for His still, small voice in your heart. Thank Him for changing seasons. Thank Him for the splendor of Autumn. Thank Him for life.

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Christian News and Issues

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

11 October 2004, is Columbus Day in the USA, and 31 October, is All Hallows Eve (Halloween) and Reformation Day all around the world!

Today in History: Columbus Day
A good historical look at the origin of Columbus Day

Columbus Day Themes and Activities for Kids
Great ideas for helping your kids celebrate the occasion.

All Hallows Eve: A Time to Shine the Light
An excellent explanation of the origin of Halloween and Christianity's observance of it.

Questions and Answers About Reformation Day
This page on the St. Paul's Lutheran Church and School web site in Kingsville, MD, is pretty informative in its explanation of Reformation Day.

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

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This Issue's Web Tip

Security is one of the most important concerns with browsing the Internet these days. Without the latest updates and security patches, you could be leaving yourself vulnerable to data theft, malicious virus attacks, spying, and more. If you use a Microsoft Operating System and/or the Microsoft Internet Explorer web browser, you should set your system to automatically download and install updates and security patches as soon as they are released. Using Windows XP, just choose Start |Control Panel | Automatic Updates to set it up the way you prefer. You can also check the Microsoft Windows Updates web site or the Microsoft web site for the latest releases. If you haven't already downloaded and installed Service Pack 2 (SP2) for WinXP, you should do so as soon as possible, since this update fixes a lot of security issues in both Windows XP and in a number of other Microsoft products.

If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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