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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!
The Texas Three-Kick Rule
A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's shin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick landed square on the man's nose. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Two Last Requests
A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arrangements. As part of these arrangements she met with her pastor to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc.
She told her pastor she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindales.
"Bloomindales!" the pastor said. "Why Bloomindales?"
"That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word. She pauses, reflects, and then she says, well then, let it read: "Fred Brown died."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries.
She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, "Fred Brown died. Golf clubs for sale."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton
This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. Go to the AWFUMC's archives page to read past issues. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.
The Parson's Ponderings: Autumn Time
by Rev. Michael L. White
NOTE: Those Parson Place subscribers who are residents of the Southern Hemisphere (such as Autralia, New Zealand, and South Africa) will simply have to bear with me as I relate my experiences here in the Northern Hemisphere. I trust the coming of Spring is every bit as exciting to you as Autumn.
Autumn is a fun and exciting time of year. The air begins to cool. The leaves turn brilliant colors. We engage in festive activities like state fairs, football, and carving pumpkins, turkeys, and hams. These are the activities that get me truly excited, because I associate the onset of Fall with the coming of Thanksgiving and Christmas, two of my favorite holidays of the year. I'm already beginning to look forward to the coming of both, though they're still two or three months away. That's just the way I am. I enjoy reminiscing about the past, but I prefer looking forward to the future. I'm always looking forward to what comes next in life. Some call that wishing my life away, but when I consider how much better my next life (in Heaven) will be, I wish for the future all the more. Since life in Heaven will be eternal, I can no longer be accused of wishing my life away, because even after a few hundred millennia have passed (that is, if time in Heaven can be measured in such a way), I'll still have as much life to live as I did the moment I entered glory. Truly, I can hardly wait to get there!
As we transition into a new season, I encourage you to relish every moment, to engage in all the fun you can, not because life is short, but because life is eternal. Don't look upon life as something to be spared, but as something to be shared. Find someone to share it with. Take a child on a nature walk. Take your lover on an evening stroll, hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm. Take a walk with God and listen for His still, small voice in your heart. Thank Him for changing seasons. Thank Him for the splendor of Autumn. Thank Him for life.
Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.
World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)
Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)
Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)
Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk
Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)
Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.
Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).
11 October 2004, is Columbus Day in the USA, and 31 October, is All Hallows Eve (Halloween) and Reformation Day all around the world!
Today in History: Columbus Day
A good historical look at the origin of Columbus Day
Columbus Day Themes and Activities for Kids
Great ideas for helping your kids celebrate the occasion.
All Hallows Eve: A Time to Shine the Light
An excellent explanation of the origin of Halloween and Christianity's observance of it.
Questions and Answers About Reformation Day
This page on the St. Paul's Lutheran Church and School web site in Kingsville, MD, is pretty informative in its explanation of Reformation Day.
The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)
The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:
Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.
God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!
If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to email@example.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.