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The Parson Place Newsletter

May 2007   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* This is the final issue of The Parson Place Newsletter. A paltry few (less than half a dozen out of more than 300!) bothered to answer my call and enter a plea for its continuation during the past month, so I can only conclude there is simply no interest among the great majority of its subscribers. I will maintain the subscription list for other contact purposes, but if this does not suit you, you are free to unsubscribe at will. It is with a mix of both sadness and relief that I make this decision. While I have enjoyed compiling it each month, I have also felt overwhelmed at times in preparing it. Perhaps God has bigger plans for my time in the coming months. We shall see.

* Parson Place Press published its first title earlier this year as a brand new Christian publishing house, and this book is now available for purchase from the Parson Place Press Bookstore. Check out the Sponsor's Spot later in this newsletter for a special mention. The book, entitled Louisa, by Richard Emmel, is a truly inspiring, historical fiction story of tragedy and hardship overcome by Christian faith, and it is loosely based upon the life of colonial African-American poet, Phillis Wheatley. It will make an excellent addition to the library of anyone who loves a good, Christian story of triumph. In addition to the Parson Place Press Bookstore, you can also buy it from Barnes and Noble's, Amazon's, and Books-a-Million's online stores. You can find it most quickly by searching on its ISBN: 978-0-9786567-0-6. Check it out now!

* My book,Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, is now available in the Parson Place Press Bookstore also, as well as on its own web site. It will make an excellent gift for your pastor, evangelism chairperson, church library, or the Christian computer enthusiast in your family or circle of friends. It is also available for purchase in the online shops of some of the major bookstore chains. You can buy it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and Cokesbury, among others, as well as directly from Parson Place. If you go to the Froogle web site and type in the search term, "digital evangelism", you'll find numerous links to other online stores that carry it, too. If you want to get it from your local bookstore, you may need to ask them to order it for you. It is also available for ordering in the United Kingdom. Just give the book sellers the book's ISBN -- 1-59581-120-6 -- to place the order from any book distributor in North America or the UK. You'll need to compare the cost of shipping versus local taxes to see which way is the better buy for you.

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. These will make wonderful gifts to accentuate any books you give to your family and friends, or even for yourself. Remember -- you get FREE shipping on all bookmark orders, too!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!

Buy discounted books and gifts from Christian Book Distributors

* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertize in The Parson Place Newsletter? Ad swaps welcome! View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!


Toe to Tow

A man was driving down the highway late one night when his mini-van broke down. He turned on his flashers and tried to get someone's attention to help him. Eventually a Lamburgini Countash pulls up.

"Any chance I could get a lift into town?" said the mini-van driver.

"I can do better than that," the man driving the Countash replied. "I've got a V-12 under this hood. I can tow you to the nearest town, no problem. Just honk your horn and flash your lights if I start going too fast."

They head off down the road and eventually come to a stop light and up pulls a Farrari F40 with a V-10. The F40 began to rev it's engine to get the Countash to race. The Countash rev's its engine and the light turns green. They fly out of there, and about a half a mile down the road they pass a speed trap.

The officer there watches them pass and radios to base saying, "Base, you will not believe what I just saw. A F40 and a Countash were driving down the road doing about 120 with a Mini-van honking it's horn and flashing it's lights trying to pass them!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Sermon Follow-up

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.

Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

The Best Years of My Life

A preacher, who, shall we say, was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone, he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!"

The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Quotable Quotes

"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it." - W.C. Fields

"Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain

"To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity." - Donald A. Adams

"With high-definition TV, everything looks bigger and wider - kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion." - Unknown

"These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after." - Unknown

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for these quotes!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: Thanks, Mom!
by Rev. Michael L. White

President Abraham Lincoln once said, "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother." We all owe our mothers a great deal of thanks and appreciation for all they have done and continue to do for us throughout our lives. In addition to the birth pangs they endured to bring us into this world, they also fed, bathed, clothed, doctored, and nurtured us in a wide variety of ways. Perhaps the most important of all, however, for those of us who had the great fortune to be raised by Christian mothers, they taught us to have faith in the Blessed Lord Jesus. They taught us to sing "Jesus Loves Me", to pray to Him, to worship Him, and to live for Him long before we fully understood why. I am personally grateful to my own mother for interceding to God for me and dedicating me to Him when I was just an infant. Her devotion to God and personal instruction of my faith gave me a head start in my life of faith and spiritual development. I suppose neither of us could have foreseen God's plan for my life at that tender age, but without her faithfulness to God, only God knows how my life would be different now. For that I say, "Thanks, Mom, and thank God for my Godly mother!" Happy Mother's Day, Mom, and may God's richest blessings be yours now and forever!

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

The Berlin Wall Between Church and State
A blog with lesser-known news stories.

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: Mother's Day (May 13th, in the USA); Ascension Thursday (May 17th); Pentecost Sunday (May 27th); Memorial Day (May 28th)
All links open in a new window.

Mother's Day 2007
All kinds of interesting stuff to read and do here!

Worship Planning in The United Methodist Church for Ascension Day 2007
Practically everything you need for observing Ascension Day in worship

Pentecost in the Bible Encyclopedia
An excellent definition and explanation of Pentecost for both Jews and Christians

Memorial Day 2007
This site contains a nice tribute to this important U. S. holiday

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

Did you know you can add-on other pieces of software into Internet Explorer (IE) 7 to increase its functionality? To find add-ons for IE7 dealing with everything from security to entertainment, choose Tools | Manage Add-ons | Find More Add-ons from the menu, and IE will take you to Microsoft's web site listing of add-ons and more. There's lots to choose from!

If you haven't already upgraded to IE7, you can visit the IE7 download page to download and install it now. Be sure to read the About Internet Explorer 7 page for a full list of the new features.

If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

Parson Place Press is a new Christian publishing house which has just published its first book, entitled Louisa, by Richard Emmel. The low introductory price will end soon, so order your copy now, before it's too late! The book's cover is featured at the right. Just click on its image to visit the Parson Place Press Bookstore, where you can buy your own copy and visit other segments of the site.
Go there now!
Buy this book now!

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Feedback and Submissions

If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.

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This Issue's Web Tip

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Sponsors' Spot