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The Parson Place Newsletter

May 2006   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* If you're looking for a regular dose of spiritual inspiration and encouragement, look no further! Christian Focus Magazine fits the bill. Along with fabulous articles from renowned authors like Billy Graham, Charles Stanley, Max Lucado, and others, you can also find an occasional article from the parson of Parson Place. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the breath-taking color photography on nearly every page. Check out the Sponsor's Spot in this issue for a link to the CFM web site.

* Have you heard? No, of course, not; this is the first time it has been announced! There's a new publishing company now on the scene! It's called Parson Place Press LLC. It will operate on a very small, spare-time-sort-of-scale, but it is open for business. Watch next month's Parson Place Newsletter and the Parson Place web site for a link to the company's web site and other details, as they become available!

* My book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, is also now available for purchase in the online shops of some of the major bookstore chains. You can buy it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and Cokesbury, among others. Go to the Froogle web site and type in the search term, "digital evangelism", and you'll find numerous links to other online stores that carry it. If you want to get it from your local Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million, or Cokesbury branch, or any other bookstore, for that matter, you may need to ask them to order it for you. It is also available for ordering in the United Kingdom. Just give the book sellers the book's ISBN -- 1-59581-120-6 -- to place the order from any book distributor in North America or the UK. You'll need to compare the cost of shipping versus local taxes to see which way is the better buy for you.

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. These will make wonderful gifts to accentuate any books you give to your family and friends, or even for yourself. Remember -- you get FREE shipping on all bookmark orders, too!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Christmas is upon us, so check out what they have to offer now!

Buy discounted books and gifts from Christian Book Distributors

* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertize in The Parson Place Newsletter? Ad swaps welcome! View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!


Funeral Music

At our local crematorium, families are given the chance to choose the music CD they would like played while they enter the service. One family asked to enter to, "Love me Tender."

Well, the day of the funeral arrived, and the music was started for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately, the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

The Batch-elor

I realized that my six-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a cousin's wedding. As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the synagogue, he turned to me and asked,

"Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Away Messages

When you are out of the office, here are some email away messages to use:

1. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

2. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

3. Due to a transporter malfunction, I am now in the 24th century, and I don't know when I'll be back. But hey, leave a message. Someone might get to it.

4. In case of a business emergency, I may be reached 24 hours a day at (insert Boss's cell phone number here).

5. The e-mail server is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

6. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Anti-Burglar Signs

The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.

Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?

Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!

To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...

Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again…

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: The Merry, Merry Month of May
by Rev. Michael L. White

May is sometimes called "the merry, merry month of May", because, I guess, of the "April showers bring May flowers" adage, for one thing. However, it's merry for a few others reasons, too, and one of those is the celebration of Mother's Day here in the USA. We take this occasion to remember and thank our mothers for all the kind things they've done for us throughout our lives, and not just during our childhood. If your mother is deceased, you can remember her in other ways, such as placing her favorite flowers in her memory on her grave, on the church altar, or even as a center piece on your dining table during Sunday lunch.

We owe our mothers a lot -- much more than the life they gave us when they gave birth to us, and that, in itself, is a plenty. There are so many other tasks they have done for us that we have no memory they ever did, such as nursing, burping, rocking, and bathing us when we were babies, and a great many other tasks we have taken for granted, such as clean socks and underwear mysteriously appearing in our dresser drawers, hot meals on the table at mealtimes, and a little spending money to buy her those cheap little knick-knacks at the five-and-dime, and do we even need to mention all the cuts and scrapes they bandaged and the homework assignments and science fair projects they helped us finish? What about the deeds of kindness she has done since your adulthood? Do you remember the wad of cash or personal check she slipped into your hand at the end of your visit with her to "spend however you see fit", or the many times she kept the kids for you and your spouse to enjoy a night on the town free of parental worries? What about the many gifts of toys and clothing she gave your kids over the years?

Indeed, we have a lot to thank our mothers for, and what better occasion to do that than on Mother's Day? Be sure to send your mother a pretty and thoughtful card and pay her a phone call or visit on this special day. Take her out to lunch, or better yet, fix her lunch at home, and be sure to say "thank you" for all those wonderful things she has done for you over the years. If your mother has already passed away, say a prayer to God to pass the word of thanks along to her on your behalf. I don't think He'll mind. Have a Happy Mother's Day and a very Blessed Eastertide throughout the month of May!

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

The Berlin Wall Between Church and State
A blog with lesser-known news stories.

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: Mother's Day (14 May, in the USA), Ascension Thursday (25 May), and Memorial Day (29 May, in the USA)
All links open in a new window.

Mothers Day
Everything to do with celebrating mothers, motherhood, and Mother's Day

Annie's Ascension Day Page
There's all sorts of useful info on this page!

Memorial Day
Everything you ever wanted to know about Memorial Day, and more!

Consumer Affairs
This is an interesting news site for consumer scams, vehicle, and other recalls.

Airfare Watchdog
Save money on travel with these hidden price reductions on both domestic and international flights. You can find some great bargains.

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

Have you heard about Internet Explorer 7 yet? It offers stronger security, tabbed browsing, a toolbar search feature, and much more. I just downloaded it, and I really like the improved look, feel, and functionality! It's available in beta version 2 right now, and if you'd like to read more about it, and maybe even download it, go to the IE7 download page for more details. Be sure to read the About Internet Explorer 7 page for a full list of the new features.

Well, that's all there is to this issue's web tip! If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

Need a little encouragement? You'll
find Christian Focus Magazine
chock-full of spiritual inspiration,
encouragement, and more from such
renowned authors as Billy Graham,
Charles Stanley, Rick Warren, Max
Lucado, and others. Now, the parson
of Parson Place will be writing for
CFM again, too. Subscribe now!
Subscribe to Christian Focus Magazine now!

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Feedback and Submissions

If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.

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