The Parson Place Newsletter
MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!
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Announcements
* Do you have your copy of my new book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!? It is now available for purchase at https://books.parsonplace.com. It will make a wonderful gift for your pastor, church evangelism or missions committee chairperson, or the computer enthusiast in your family. Get your copy now, and while you're at it, why not get one for the rest of your family and friends, too?* I have also recently updated my latest freeware software creation, QuickSort, to version 1.4. QuickSort quickly and easily sorts your text lists into either alphabetical or numerical order. Version 2.0 (a paid version) is also available for immediate download for only $19.95. You can download either version from the QuickSort registration page, so get your copy now!
* The Parson Place Forum is FINALLY back online! Due to a security issue, my web host blocked its use, and although the software's programmers quickly corrected the problem with an upgrade, I had major difficulties getting it back in working order. It's working fine now with a whole new line-up of topics. It is completely secure and better than ever. I strongly encourage you to visit the Parson Place Community now, where you can post messages and read messages others have posted on the following topics: Christian Issues, Military Chaplaincy, Parson Place, and Writer's Block, with perhaps more to be added later. Check it out!
* Are you looking for great software at affordable prices? Broderbund Software has just what you're seeking, a wide variety of titles including educational, games, business and professional. See what they have to offer!
* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!
* If you're interested in earning extra cash from the comfort of your home, why not start your own business on the Internet?
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Humor
Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!
Bank Name
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.
"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Wrong Number
Phone won't stop ringing? Here's what you do...
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tennesse, had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.
From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.
Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.
The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.
At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leola said, "No problem. How many nights?"
A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you."
The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II.
She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch Days Of Our Lives, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June.
Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up.
Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers."
Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.
Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel."
Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Exercise Program
Here's the exercise program I'm using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
AS ALWAYS, CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE STARTING ANY EXERCISE PROGRAM.
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Okay, that's enough for the first day!
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh
IRS Call
When the minister picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS [Internal Revenue Service of the U. S.] was on the line.
"Hello, is this the minister?"
"Yes, this is."
"I'm calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Shipe. Do you recognize the name?"
"Yes, he is a member of our congregation. How can I be of service?"
"Well, on last year's tax return, the doctor claimed that he made a sizable tax-deductable contribution to your church. Is this true?"
"Well, I'll have to have our bookkeeper verify this information for you. How much did Dr. Shipe say he contributed?"
"Twenty five thousand dollars," answered Agent Struzik.
"Can you tell me if that amount is true?"
There is a long pause. "I'll tell you what," replied the minister.......
"Call back tomorrow. I'm sure it will be."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
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Inspiration
Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton
This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.
The Parson's Ponderings: April Showers, May Flowers, and Happy Hours
by Rev. Michael L. White
"April showers bring May flowers." Most of us have heard that rhyme throughout our lives, though here in the Southern United States, flowers tend to bloom earlier, say, in late March, and they continue to bloom throughout the spring and summer. In fact, it's raining a real downpour even as I write this on 30 April, so the May flowers should be even lovelier than usual this year! Truly, the bursting buds of flowers all across the land is a breath-taking and long-awaited sight indeed, and the singing songbirds is a nice touch, too.
There's another saying that my wife's maternal grandfather, Paw-Paw Kelly, used to say all the time. It's an old Irish way of saying, "You're welcome!" It goes: "You're as welcome as the flowers in May!" Paw-Paw used to add something to that each time though. He'd say, "I don't know anything more welcome than that, do you?" Indeed, I don't.
Well -- maybe Heaven. Paw-Paw has certainly discovered that fact by now. He went to be with the Lord in March 1997. It doesn't seem like all that long ago, and yet, it has been over eight years. I miss his good humor, his loud laugh, and his wonderful baritone singing voice. He used to sing in the church choir, and out of the church choir, too; it really didn't matter where he was. His voice was as clear, full, and steady in his eighties as it must have been in his youth.
I sometimes forget that Paw-Paw wasn't actually my grandfather by blood relation, but he was close enough. My own grandfathers died when I was quite young, one when I was eight and the other when I was ten, so I never really got to know them as well as I wish. However, Paw-Paw was the grandfather I'd always wished I'd had. The few years I knew him were happy years indeed.
As I reflect on the April showers and May flowers again this year, I can't help but reflect on the happy hours I spent with Paw-Paw and others I've dearly loved. I long for that happiest of hours yet to come when we shall all be gathered together to share in the eternal joy of our Lord and each other's fellowship and the everlasting flowers of May. Have a merry month in May!
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Christian News and Issues
Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)
Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk
Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.
Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)
Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.
Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)
World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)
Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.
Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).
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Recommended Web Sites
Holidays this month: 1 May, is Orthodox Easter and May Day; 8 May, is Mother's Day (in the USA); and 30 May, is Memorial Day (in the USA).
All links open in a new window.
Easter in the Eastern Orthodox Church
This brief page explains the Orthodox Church's position on setting the correct date for celebrating Easter. You may also browse the Greek Orthodox Church site for more detailed information about the Greek (Eastern) Orthodox Church. Both sites are very educational about the Orthodox Christian faith.
May Day
It seems May Day means different things to different people.
Mother's Day History and Customs
Lots of great information about the observance of Mother's Day.
Memorial Day - A Look at its History
A good article about the origin and observance of Memorial Day.
For Ministry.com/eQuip
Provides churches "ideas, tips, events, book reviews, and other resources that help equip you for ministry online!" Be sure to read Terry Wilhite's review of my book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too! at the top of the "Current Features" section!
Web Site Maven
Offers a very useful article about how to create and manage an online presence for churches. A great read!
Christian Computing Magazine
Now FREE and available by email! Be sure to read Terry Wilhite's article in the April 2005, issue, because it spotlights Parson Place and my new book Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!
Nutrition News
There are some very interesting bits of nutritional study findings on this page.
The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)
The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:
http://www.ChristianWebSite.com/search/New/
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This Issue's Web Tip
If you like to browse multiple sites at once, this tip's for you. I frequently get an idea to check out something on a web site other than the one I'm currently visiting, and because I want to view both sites at the same time, or because I want to come back to the original site when I'm done viewing the new one, I choose to open a new browser window to access the new site, rather than having to click the Back button to get back to the first site. This is often the case, too, when I'm browsing a page and want to click on a link on that page without losing that page to the new one when it loads. (Most links open in the same window, which causes you to leave the page your're currently viewing.)So, how do you do this? It's simple. You can either press Ctrl (Control) + N to open a new browser window, or you can right click your mouse over the link and choose Open in New Window from the pop-up menu.
That's all there is to it. If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.
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Final Remarks
Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.
God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!
IHS,
mike
Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com
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Feedback and Submissions
If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.
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