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The Parson Place Newsletter

March 2007   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* Parson Place Press, has recently published its first title as a brand new Christian publishing house, and this book is now available for purchase from the Parson Place Press Bookstore. Check out the Sponsor's Spot later in this newsletter for a special mention. The book, entitled Louisa, by Richard Emmel, is a truly inspiring, historical fiction story of tragedy and hardship overcome by Christian faith, and it is loosely based upon the life of colonial African-American poet, Phillis Wheatley. It will make an excellent addition to the library of anyone who loves a good, Christian story of triumph. In addition to the Parson Place Press Bookstore, you can also buy it from Barnes and Noble's, Amazon's, and Books-a-Million's online stores. You can find it most quickly by searching on its ISBN: 978-0-9786567-0-6. Check it out now!

* My book,Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, is now available in the Parson Place Press Bookstore also, as well as on its own web site. It will make an excellent gift for your pastor, evangelism chairperson, church library, or the Christian computer enthusiast in your family or circle of friends. It is also available for purchase in the online shops of some of the major bookstore chains. You can buy it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and Cokesbury, among others, as well as directly from Parson Place. If you go to the Froogle web site and type in the search term, "digital evangelism", you'll find numerous links to other online stores that carry it, too. If you want to get it from your local bookstore, you may need to ask them to order it for you. It is also available for ordering in the United Kingdom. Just give the book sellers the book's ISBN -- 1-59581-120-6 -- to place the order from any book distributor in North America or the UK. You'll need to compare the cost of shipping versus local taxes to see which way is the better buy for you.

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. These will make wonderful gifts to accentuate any books you give to your family and friends, or even for yourself. Remember -- you get FREE shipping on all bookmark orders, too!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!

Buy discounted books and gifts from Christian Book Distributors

* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertize in The Parson Place Newsletter? Ad swaps welcome! View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!


Prayer Time

A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

"Yes, sir," the boy replied.

"And do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.

"No, sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

For Whom the Bell Tolls

I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled. We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.

At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Key to a Long Marriage

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick, and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Cheap Hearing Aid

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk. "That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*


The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.

"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?"

"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Alimony Decision

"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Quotable Quotes

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible." - George Burns

"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?" - Unknown

"For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday." - Senator John Glenn

"A smile is contagious; be a carrier." - Unknown

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for these quotes!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: Springing into New Life
by Rev. Michael L. White

Spring is my favorite season of the year. It abounds with new life as the grass turns green, trees begin to bud, flowers begin to bloom, birds begin to sing and nest, animals give birth to their young, and the weather becomes so much pleasanter. It makes me dream of the New Heaven and the New Earth. Oh, how I long for the New Heaven and New Earth, where everything God intended from the beginning will finally be!

March is also my birth month, so it is a New Year for me, too. Each March, as I begin another year of my life on this earth, I reflect upon who I am and how far I've come in my life. I think of my childhood, my youth, my young adulthood, and my middle-age years. I think of what I've done with my life and how I've tried to serve God. I wonder how God views it all. Has my life been pleasing to Him in any way? I consider my relationship with God, and, like the psalmist, I ask, "What am I that you are even mindful of me?" (Psalm 8:4). I feel so small and insignificant among the billions of human beings living on the planet right now, not to mention the compounded billions that have lived since the creation of Adam and Eve. Yet, I believe the Word of God where Jesus Himself says the very hairs of our heads are numbered (Matthew 10:30). What a great and mighty God we serve, that He would be so intimately aware of even the smallest details of our lives! That gives me both comfort and confidence.

As the earth springs into the new life that comes with every springtime, and as we spring into the new life that comes with this season, let's remember to thank and praise God for the glory and joy of it all. Let's recommit ourselves to serving Him more obediently and faithfully than ever. As the earth springs into new life, let us spring into new life with God as well. What better time is there for such a fresh start than the start of the season that includes the start of new life throughout the earth? Here's to a glorious springtime and a joyous new life for us all henceforth and forever! Amen!

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

The Berlin Wall Between Church and State
A blog with lesser-known news stories.

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: Daylight Saving Time Begins (March 11th, in the USA); St. Patrick's Day (March 17th); First Day of Spring (March 21st)
All links open in a new window.

Daylight Saving Time on About.com
Learn more about this practice of setting clocks forward in the spring and backward in the fall.

St. Patrick's Day on HolidaySpot.com
Lots of stuff to sift through on this site.

The First Day of Spring
This can be confusing, but the Space.com site endeavors to explain it in full detail.

Authentic Walk
Bible Study tools, free discipleship course by email, and more.

Brainy Quote
Find a quote on just about any topic by just about anybody.

Forsaken Roots
Historical information lost to most Americans today.

Warnings from God When You Begin to Stray from the Straight and Narrow
An excellent article by the editor of Christian Computing Magazine.

Bible Explorer 4 Software
Read all about this amazing software and follow the included free download link to get your copy now!

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

Have you ever wished you could have more than one home page displayed when you first open your web browser? Well, with Internet Explorer (IE) 7, you can now do just that. Here's how you do it. Choose Tools | Internet Options from the menu. The General tab is the default selection. Beneath the tabs, near the top of the dialog, is the Home page entry box. The instruction above that entry box simply states: "To create home page tabs, type each address on its own line." Once you have typed in all the home page addresses you want to display each time IE7 starts, click on the OK button, and the new setting will be saved. Now, the next time you start IE7, the home page URLs you designated in the home page entry box will display, each on its own tab. That's all there is to it!

If you haven't already upgraded to IE7, you can visit the IE7 download page to download and install it now. Be sure to read the About Internet Explorer 7 page for a full list of the new features.

If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

Parson Place Press is a new Christian publishing house which has just published its first book, entitled Louisa, by Richard Emmel. The book's cover is featured at the right. Just click on its image to visit the Parson Place Press Bookstore, where you can buy your own copy and visit other segments of the site.
Go there now!
Buy this book now!

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Feedback and Submissions

If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.

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