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The Parson Place Newsletter

June 2005   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

Add Parson Place to your Favorites now!


* Do you have your copy of my new book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!? It is now available for purchase at https://books.parsonplace.com. It will make a wonderful gift for your pastor, church evangelism or missions committee chairperson, or the computer enthusiast in your family. Get your copy now, and while you're at it, why not get one for the rest of your family and friends, too?

* Have you tried my latest freeware software creation, QuickSort 1.4? QuickSort quickly and easily sorts your text lists into either alphabetical or numerical order. Version 2.0 (a paid version) is also available for immediate download for only $19.95. You can download either version from the QuickSort registration page, so get your copy now!

* The Parson Place Forum is FINALLY back online! Due to a security issue, my web host blocked its use, and although the software's programmers quickly corrected the problem with an upgrade, I had major difficulties getting it back in working order. It's working fine now with a whole new line-up of topics. It is completely secure and better than ever. I strongly encourage you to visit the Parson Place Community now, where you can post messages and read messages others have posted on the following topics: Christian Issues, Military Chaplaincy, Parson Place, and Writer's Block, with perhaps more to be added later. Check it out!

* Are you looking for great software at affordable prices? Broderbund Software has just what you're seeking, a wide variety of titles including educational, games, business and professional. See what they have to offer!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!

Buy discounted books and gifts from Christian Book Distributors

* If you're interested in earning extra cash from the comfort of your home, why not start your own business on the Internet?

Visit The Web Marketer's Guide to Learn How!

* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertise in The Parson Place Newsletter? View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!

No Picnic Day at the Beach

The service area was located on a main highway leading to the beach. The pump attendant was accustomed to seeing tired and sunburned occupants in the cars that pulled in to tank up. When a rusty old van containing a very tired looking couple and six screaming children pulled into his station, the attendant tried small talk to cheer the occupants.

"Hope you had a good day at the beach! Nice looking kids there. Are they all yours, or is this a picnic?"

Wearily, the driver replied, "Yes, they are all mine, and it's NO picnic!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Four Husbands

Sally had lived a good life, and was married four times. Now she stood before the Pearly Gates. The angel at the gates said to her, "I see that first of all, you married a banker, then an actor, next a pastor, and lastly, an undertaker. Why? This does not seem appropriate for a Christian woman."

"Oh yes it is," Sally replied. "It's one for the money, two for the show, three to make ready, and four to go."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Window Washer

There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe.

I said to him, "What do you do for a living?"

He said, "Well, I used to be a window washer."

I asked, "When did you give it up?"

He replied, "Halfway down."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Be Careful What You Wish For

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: A Father's Reflection on Father's Day
by Rev. Michael L. White

In this month, in which we in America celebrate Father's Day, I find myself reflecting upon the joys and challenges of parenthood. I wrote an article a few years ago, in September 1996, which I think summarizes some of those joys and challenges quite well. I get all misty with nostalgia every time I re-read it. Rather than restate all of that here, however, I simply refer you to that original article, Perceptive Parenting, now.

Hypocritical Complaints

A Christian once visited a farmer to talk to him about Christ. "I wouldn't come to church up there." the farmer said. "I know old so and so (insert a name) church goer who claims to be a Christian and So and So (insert another name) church goer who claims to be a Christian and they don't live any differently from me. I'm as good as they are."

Everywhere the farmer went he told about the hypocrites in that Church. Months passed and the Christian went to see the farmer again. "I want to buy a hog", said the Christian. The farmer showed all his best hogs to him. Then they came to the runt. "I believe I will take that one" the, Christian said.

The farmer replied, "BUT you don't want that one. He's the worst runt to the litter." "I sure do" said the Christian. So they loaded the runt in the truck.

"Now" said the Christian, "what if I take this pig here from your farm and ride all over this area telling folks that this is the kind of hogs you raise?" "That's not fair!" the farmer exclaimed. "I have some nice hogs and you want to show people that runt?!"

The Christian replied, "If it's fair for the church it's fair for the farm!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this story!*

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: 19 June, is Father's Day (in the USA).

All links open in a new window.

Father's Day History, Quotes, and Facts
Lots of great information about the history and observance of Father's Day.

Teresa Bell Kindred: A Kindred Spirit, Author, and Speaker
A truly inspiring resource for Moms, teachers, and Christian women, in general.

Provides Christians "News and views on technology, spirituality and Christianity, from author Andrew Careaga". Be sure to read Andrew's short blog description of my book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too! Just click on the "New book on 'digital evangelism'" link in the right-hand column of the page under the "Previous Posts" section!

Christian Computing Magazine
Now FREE and available by email! Be sure to read Terry Wilhite's article in the April 2005, issue, because it spotlights Parson Place and my new book Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

If you use the Internet Explorer (IE) Web browser, then this tip's for you. This is a shortcut for typing a URL directly into the IE address box. All you have to do is type in the domain name only, such as parsonplace, and then hold down the Control (Ctrl) key while you press the ENTER key. IE will automatically add the "http://www" and ".com" portions of the URL to the domain name you typed and load the start page of the URL for you.

That's all there is to it! If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

Get free web tools and other resources from Bravenet!

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Feedback and Submissions

If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.

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