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The Parson Place Newsletter

February 2007   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* Parson Place Press, has just published its first title as a brand new Christian publishing house, and this book is now available for purchase from the Parson Place Press Bookstore. Check out the Sponsor's Spot later in this newsletter for a special mention. The book, entitled Louisa, by Richard Emmel, is a truly inspiring, historical fiction story of tragedy and hardship overcome by Christian faith, and it is loosely based upon the life of colonial African-American poet, Phillis Wheatley. It will make an excellent addition to the library of anyone who loves a good, Christian story of triumph. In addition to the Parson Place Press Bookstore, you can also buy it from Barnes and Noble's and Amazon's online stores, and it will soon be available for purchase from Books-a-Million online and other stores. You can find it most quickly by searching on its ISBN: 978-0-9786567-0-6. Check it out now!

* My book,Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, is now available in the Parson Place Press Bookstore also, as well as on its own web site. It will make an excellent gift for your pastor, evangelism chairperson, church library, or the Christian computer enthusiast in your family or circle of friends. It is also available for purchase in the online shops of some of the major bookstore chains. You can buy it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and Cokesbury, among others, as well as directly from Parson Place. If you go to the Froogle web site and type in the search term, "digital evangelism", you'll find numerous links to other online stores that carry it, too. If you want to get it from your local bookstore, you may need to ask them to order it for you. It is also available for ordering in the United Kingdom. Just give the book sellers the book's ISBN -- 1-59581-120-6 -- to place the order from any book distributor in North America or the UK. You'll need to compare the cost of shipping versus local taxes to see which way is the better buy for you.

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. These will make wonderful gifts to accentuate any books you give to your family and friends, or even for yourself. Remember -- you get FREE shipping on all bookmark orders, too!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!

Buy discounted books and gifts from Christian Book Distributors

* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertize in The Parson Place Newsletter? Ad swaps welcome! View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!


Medical Manners

While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot.

"NO! NO! NO!" she screamed.

"Lizzie," her mother scolded. "That's not polite behavior."

At that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

A Love Supreme

A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.

"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."

"Is that a record?" she inquired.

"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Heavy-Weight Travel

Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey.

I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?"

Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?"

"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

I Dream of a Genie

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"Okay, you're up," the genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

A Lesson in Math

"If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"

Vinny raised his hand and answered, "One dollar."

The teacher shook her head. "You don't know your math."

Vinny replied, "You don't know my father."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Tiger Tale

Q - Why does a tiger have stripes?

A - So he won't be spotted.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Quotable Quotes

"If we do not receive the gift of God's love, it cannot be injected into us like penicillin." - from Stories Jesus Still Tells: The Parables by John Claypool [not taken from Pastor's Tim's Quotes]

"The person who reflects upon his or her life and says 'I have no regrets' is either lying or in denial." - Rev. Michael L. White [not taken from Pastor's Tim's Quotes]

"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost." - Charles Caleb Colton

"If truth is beauty, how come no one gets their hair done in the library?" - Lily Tomlin

"Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt." - Unknown

"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick." - Unknown

"The interest span of a child is possibly thirty seconds, higher if throwing food or annoying a small animal is involved." - Erma Bombeck

"Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"A hair in the head is worth two in the brush." - Don Herold

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for these quotes!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: "Behold, What Manner of Love!" (1 John 3:1)
by Rev. Michael L. White

The month of February has two important occasions this year. They are St. Valentine's Day and Ash Wednesday.

First, St. Valentine's Day is always on February 14th. It is an opportunity for us to demonstrate our affections for all our loved ones, not just our romantic relationships. Unfortunately, many people, men and women alike, have the mistaken notion that the demonstration of romantic gestures is strictly for the opposite gender. Where they came up with this selfish idea is far beyond me! St. Valentine's Day is an occasion to celebrate our love for one another, regardless of our -- or their -- gender. Naturally, most of our attention may be focused upon our romantic attachments, but that's okay, just so long as we show our dear family and friends how much we love them, too. Of course, it wouldn't be too far-fetched to demonstrate our affections for Jesus on this date as well.

Secondly, Ash Wednesday falls on February 21st, this year. This is an opportunity for us to humble ourselves in gratitude for the suffering our Lord Jesus endured for our sakes. It begins the season of Lent, in which we focus on the passion, or suffering, of Christ, and in which we declare a time of self-sacrifice of our own. Many people "give up" something precious or greatly desired during this season as a means of humbling and sacrificing themselves for Jesus' sake. It shouldn't be something you can easily do without, but rather, it should cause you some pain, suffering, and/or deprivation. You could fast one day or more of each week during Lent, or you could give up eating desserts, or you could give up coffee or tea or chocolate. There's an excellent story, by the way, in the February 2007, issue of Guideposts Magazine, beginning on page 56, on that very topic: giving up chocolate for Lent. You could also choose to give up a bad health habit, such as tobacco in all its forms, or alcohol. The choices are myriad, and all up to you. It is a personal decision, because it becomes your personal gift to the Lord.

I haven't quite made up my mind yet what I'm going to give up, but I'm leaning toward fasting on each Friday of Lent. In fact, I may choose to give up more than one thing. I encourage you to consider carefully what you could give up. You know, we're not really giving it up for Lent; we're giving it up for Jesus. Now, I wish you all a very Happy St. Valentine's Day and a truly spiritually moving Ash Wednesday and Lenten Season.

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

The Berlin Wall Between Church and State
A blog with lesser-known news stories.

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: Ground Hog Day (February 2nd, in the USA); St Valentine's Day (February 14th); Presidents Day (Febuary 19th, in the USA); and Ash Wednesday (February 21st)
All links open in a new window.

Groundhog Day
Everything you ever wanted to know about Groundhog Day is compiled here at the official Groundhog Day site.

St. Valentine's Day
Recipes, poems, traditions, history, and a biography of St. Valentine are just a few of the things you'll find at this dedicated site.

Presidents Day
Lots of good information from the Miami-Dade County Public Schools.

Hallelujah Acres
Halleleujah to your health! This wonderful site tells you how to improve or restore your health through your diet, based on Biblical teaching and principles. Bon appétit!

What's the reason for ashes on Ash Wednesday?
A short, but poignant article by Rev. Ken Collins about the use of ashes on Ash Wednesday.

Identity Theft Preventnion Video from Florida Law Enforcement
The Broward County, Florida, Sheriff's Office has produced a safety and prevention video on identity theft prevention which everyone should view.

Be a Sweet Tater!
You'll enjoy this comical, animated, and musical rendition of an old illustration.

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

When you're finished browsing the Internet with Internet Explorer (IE) 7, but before you close the browser, you can clean up your hard drive from all those temporary Internet files, cookies, web sites visited history, etc. It's as easy as 1-2-3.
  1. Choose Tools from the menu bar (if it isn't visible, press your Alt key);
  2. Choose Delete Browsing History; and
  3. Click the Delete all... button to finish, or pick and click the buttons for the items you want to delete.
If you change your mind, click the Close button before you click any other buttons to exit the dialog without deleting anything. Of course, if you pick and choose among the buttons for deleting individual items, you'll need to click the Close button to exit the dialog, too. That's all there is to it!

If you haven't already upgraded to IE7, you can visit the IE7 download page to download and install it now. Be sure to read the About Internet Explorer 7 page for a full list of the new features.

If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

Parson Place Press is a new Christian publishing house which has just published its first book, entitled Louisa, by Richard Emmel. The book's cover is featured at the right. Just click on its image to visit the Parson Place Press Bookstore, where you can buy your own copy and visit other segments of the site.
Go there now!
Buy this book now!

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Feedback and Submissions

If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.

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