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The Parson Place Newsletter

February 2006   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* Congratulations to the winners of the January 2006, Parson Place Newsletter Challenge! Yes, that's right; there were two winners. I goofed and overlooked the first respondent, Sue, from Colorado Springs, Colorado, and announced Beth, from Anchorage, Alaska, as the winner, when Beth was actually the second respondent. The only right thing to do was to make them co-winners and award them both a complimentary copy of my book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, postage paid, just as I promised. I thank all of you who submitted a response, and I encourage you to take the Challenge again this month. Of course, as recent winners, Sue and Beth are now ineligible for the next six months, in order to give others a chance to win. Full details are in the email notice I sent to all subscribers. If you missed receiving it, it may be the fault of email filters. Be sure to add the parsonplace.com domain to your email client's whitelist or safe list to insure you get your copy next time.

* Even if you failed to win my book, you can still order your own copy of Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too! right now! Buy one for your pastor, church library, and missions and evangelism directors, too! The book also has a specialty bookmark that matches its cover art, which makes a terrific accessory. Look for the link on the book's order page, just above the "Add to cart" button. FREE shipping on all bookmark orders!

* Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too! is also now available for purchase in the online shops of some of the major bookstore chains. You can buy it from Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million, and Amazon. If you want to get it from your local Barnes and Noble or Books-a-Million branch, you may need to ask them to order it for you. You'll need to compare the cost of shipping versus local taxes to see which way is the better buy.

* Now available: I've recently released a brand new software title I've developed for the Parson Place Software Creations collection. If you're looking for an easy-to-use computer program that enables folks with little or no HTML coding knowledge to create their own web pages in a snap, then Page Pump 2.0 is just what you've been waiting for. More advanced HTML programmers can also use it to create their own web pages quickly and easily. All you have to do is type your web document's text, then point and click on the command buttons to automatically create your web pages. Read more about it now!

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. These will make wonderful gifts to accentuate any books you give to your family and friends, or even for yourself. Remember -- you get FREE shipping on all bookmark orders, too!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Christmas is upon us, so check out what they have to offer now!

Buy discounted books and gifts from Christian Book Distributors

* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertise in The Parson Place Newsletter? Ad swaps welcome! View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!


Clever Riddle

While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

"So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen.

The guide replied, "One."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Professional Opinion

Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator. One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.

The psychologist delicately went to work. He gave Little Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chatted with Little Johnny. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Every day for two weeks, the tests continued. Yet everyday, Little Johnny continued to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something was terribly wrong, the child psychologist decided to give Little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happened.

Little Johnny opened the box of crayons and said, "Oh, Boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

False Assumption

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."

The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them on. "Too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair -- try these."

The speaker tried them on and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He said, "I have one more pair. Try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."

With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went to thank the man who had helped him.

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Special Delivery

I was very pregnant, and it was rotten luck when, several days before my due date, my husband fell from the porch roof, sprained both ankles and was restricted to crutches. So when I went into labor and he couldn't drive, I took the wheel, stopping every time I had a contraction.

Finally, we got to the hospital. I dropped him at the maternity entrance, and he hobbled off to the admitting desk, where the nurse told him to go to the emergency room.

No, it's my wife," he told her. "She's in Labor."

"Where is she?" the nurse asked.

"She's parking the car and bringing in the bags."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: The Goodness of God
by Rev. Michael L. White

I am amazed not that God is so good, but that God is so good to me. I am truly overwhelmed by the wonderful gifts God has given me recently. First, He has placed me as pastor of a Christian congregation that has welcomed me with open arms and showered me with love. I have been the pastor of Tanner-Williams United Methodist Church, located just northwest of Mobile, AL, for only a little over three weeks now, and already I feel so much a part of them that it seems I've been with them much longer. I have nothing but eager anticipation and excitement over the prospect of serving them in the years to come.

Second, God has helped us to locate a quaint, older home half-way between our church and the western edge of Mobile. This means we have the best of both worlds: relative proximity to our church and to the amenities of suburban living, such as cable Internet and shopping. Although I believed all along that God would steer us to just the right home for us, I confess I was starting to worry when He would finally resolve the question of where. Now, all we have to do is wait one more month until the current occupants find themselves a new home and move out so we can move in. It's all so exciting, especially since this will be the first time in my life that I have been able to buy my own home. Indeed, God has been so good to me, not only in these two points, but in so many more ways than I can name here.

I'm sure you can think of quite few examples of God's love in your own life. As we celebrate romantic love on February 14th, I'd also like to glorify the greatest love of all -- the love of God. I encourage you, too, to join me in celebrating the wondrous love of God this St. Valentine's Day. To quote from God's love letter to us, "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine" (Song of Solomon 6:3 KJV). Have a Happy St. Valentine's Day!

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: St. Valentine's Day (14 February), and Presidents Day Observance (20 February, in the USA)
All links open in a new window.

St. Valentine's Day
A very interesting description of the orgins of this day and some of its customs.

Presidents Day Observance
A brief history composed by the Miami-Dade County Public Schools.

Skills Heaven: Go Beyond Your Skills
Learn about computers and enhance your computer skills.

Internet Evangelism Day
An excellent site dedicated to the ministry of Internet evangelism and the annual observance of Internet Evangelism Day. Additionally, become an advanced Web Evangelist by reading the tons of online articles and other resources for both individuals and churches at Online Evangelism: A Guide to Web Outreach, maintained by Tony Whittaker. Subscribe to Tony's online newsletter, Web Evangelism Bulletin, for more tips for effectively using the Web to evangelize the world for Jesus Christ. This is a truly remarkable and helpful site for the Christian Web Evangelist!

Christianity - General on About.com
Mary Fairchild is your guide to phenomenal resources and terrific areas of interest for Christians on this site. There are daily Bible readings, devotionals, entertainment, holiday tips, and help for new Christians. Check it out!

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

To jump instantly to the Address bar in Internet Explorer, Netscape Navigator, and Mozilla Firefox web browsers, simply use the ALT + D key combination. Your cursor will jump directly to the Address bar and highlight the current URL's text for you, so you can simply begin typing the new URL you wish to visit, and the highlighted URL will be replaced instantly with the one you type. Then press the ENTER key to go to the new URL you've just typed.

That's all there is to it! If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

Sue's Open-Hearted Suggestions for Writers Newsletter
Reaching the world for Christ through writing--
Visit Write4Christ.com where you will find free
and inexpensive tools to help you in your journey
of Web Evangelism. Sign up for the monthly newsletter.

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If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.

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