The Parson Place Newsletter
MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!
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Announcements
* Do you have your copy of my new book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!? It is now available for purchase for $9.95 plus shipping at https://books.parsonplace.com. It will make a wonderful gift for your pastor, church evangelism or missions committee chairperson, or the computer enthusiast in your family. Get your copy now, and while you're at it, why not get one for your family and friends, too?* I have also recently updated my latest freeware software creation, QuickSort, to version 1.3. QuickSort quickly and easily sorts your text lists into either alphabetical or numerical order. Version 2.0 (a paid version) is also available for immediate download for only $19.95. You can download either version from the QuickSort registration page, so get your copy now!
* The Parson Place Forum is temporarily offline, due to a security upgrade. When I finally get it back online, you can post messages and read messages others have posted on the following topics: General, Christian Issues, Christian Writers, and Military Chaplaincy, with perhaps more to be added later.
* Are you looking for great software at affordable prices? Broderbund Software has just what you're seeking, a wide variety of titles including educational, games, business and professional. See what they have to offer!
* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!
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Humor
Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!
Valentine's Day
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it -- to find a book, entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh
Goober Love Poem
Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh
Say Something Positive
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at St. Anselm's Memorial Chapel.
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
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Inspiration
Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton
This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.
The Parson's Ponderings: Speaking Multilingual Love
by Rev. Michael L. White
If you haven't read Dr. Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, you really need to read it. It's a book for all our loving relationships: spouses, children, parents, other relatives, and friends. Since St. Valentine's Day is a day we celebrate romance and matters of the heart, I'd like to recommend you get a copy for yourself, so you can learn to express your true love to your true love in a way that she or he will truly understand and appreciate.
As the title suggests, there are five basic ways we all feel and show love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Dr. Chapman explains how we often show love in all five ways, but one will be our primary love language, the way we feel most loved when someone does this for us. Frequently, we will have a secondary love language, too, a way which comes in as a close second to our primary love language in the degree of affect on us. The Five Love Languages book will help you discern both your own primary love language and that of all your significant others. There are few gifts greater you can give to those you love than to express your deep affection for them in the way that means the very most to them. Mastering these principles will help make everyday a Happy Valentine's Day! Enjoy, and may God bless you!
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Christian News and Issues
Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)
Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk
Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.
Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)
Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.
Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)
World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)
Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.
Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).
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Recommended Web Sites
Holidays this month: 2 February, is Groundhog Day; 8 February, is Fat Tuesday; 9 February, is Ash Wednesday; 14 February, is St. Valentine's Day; and 21 February, is President's Day (in the USA)!
All links open in a new window.
The Official Site of the Punxsutawney Groundhog
Everything you could ever want to know about the celebration of Groundhog Day!
Holiday Insights: Fat Tuesday
A little explanation of the origin of Fat Tuesday.
The Season of Lent
A very well done site by Rev. Ken Collins. When you've read all about Ash Wednesday and Lent, try going to his start page and browse everything else he has to offer. I've added this one to my Favorites for future reference!
Get a FREE Cross Necklace!
Simply agree to receive emails from six great Christian web site owners, and you can receive a beautiful cross necklace, postage paid! Don't waste another minute. Get your necklace now!
Holiday Page: President's Day
A very nicely done site which describes the origin of the occasion and provides two general biographies of the two American Presidents whose proximal birthdays and heroic lives inspired the holiday.
The Heart of Jesus
Maintained by Rev. Terry Merrick, who recently requested a link swap with Parson Place.
Live the Abundant and Prosperous Christian Life
Encouraging articles, relevant scriptures, interesting thoughts, great inspiration, funnies, and links to great home-based businesses, health products, and wholesale inspirational gift products. Maintained by Daniel N. Brown, who recently requested a link swap with Parson Place.
His Glorious Words
An online Christian bookstore owned by Roger Pendleton, who also recently requested a link swap with Parson Place.
InboxDollars.com
Earn money just for taking surveys, reading emails, taking trials of products or services, and more! If you can spare the time, you can earn the money!
Internet ScamBusters #109
Get their predictions for the top ten Internet scams in 2005. Most enlightening!
The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)
The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:
http://www.ChristianWebSite.com/search/New/
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This Issue's Web Tip
Are the links on web pages you visited a few days ago still appearing as purple rather than blue, even after you refresh the page repeatedly? This happens when you visit a web site and it is retained in your browser's history folder. To reset all links to the default blue in Internet Explorer (this won't work if a site's web designer has set the link color to something other than blue, however), choose Internet Options from the Tools menu and click on the "Clear History" button near the bottom right of that dialog. If you don't want web sites you've visited retained in the history folder, simply set the "Days to keep pages in history" to zero.That's all there is to it. If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.
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Final Remarks
Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.
God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!
IHS,
mike
Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com
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Sponsors' Spot
To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!
Authored by Rev. Michael L. White, and published in October 2004, by Brentwood Christian Press, Digital Evangelism is valuable for every Christian, but it is a must-have for those who work regularly with evangelism, missions, and other vital outreach ministries of the Church. Pastors, evangelism committee members, and missions committee members are just a few of the key leaders in both local churches and denominational or general church agencies who should read and use this book. Get your copy now!
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Feedback and Submissions
If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.
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