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* I have also recently updated my latest freeware software creation, QuickSort, to version 1.3. QuickSort quickly and easily sorts your text lists into either alphabetical or numerical order. Version 2.0 (a paid version) is also available for immediate download for only $19.95. You can download either version from the QuickSort registration page, so get your copy now!
* The Parson Place Forum is temporarily offline, due to a security upgrade. When I finally get it back online, you can post messages and read messages others have posted on the following topics: General, Christian Issues, Christian Writers, and Military Chaplaincy, with perhaps more to be added later.
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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it -- to find a book, entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh
Goober Love Poem
Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh
Say Something Positive
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at St. Anselm's Memorial Chapel.
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton
This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.
The Parson's Ponderings: Speaking Multilingual Love
by Rev. Michael L. White
If you haven't read Dr. Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, you really need to read it. It's a book for all our loving relationships: spouses, children, parents, other relatives, and friends. Since St. Valentine's Day is a day we celebrate romance and matters of the heart, I'd like to recommend you get a copy for yourself, so you can learn to express your true love to your true love in a way that she or he will truly understand and appreciate.
As the title suggests, there are five basic ways we all feel and show love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Dr. Chapman explains how we often show love in all five ways, but one will be our primary love language, the way we feel most loved when someone does this for us. Frequently, we will have a secondary love language, too, a way which comes in as a close second to our primary love language in the degree of affect on us. The Five Love Languages book will help you discern both your own primary love language and that of all your significant others. There are few gifts greater you can give to those you love than to express your deep affection for them in the way that means the very most to them. Mastering these principles will help make everyday a Happy Valentine's Day! Enjoy, and may God bless you!
Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)
Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk
Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.
Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)
Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.
Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)
World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)
Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.
Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).
Holidays this month: 2 February, is Groundhog Day; 8 February, is Fat Tuesday; 9 February, is Ash Wednesday; 14 February, is St. Valentine's Day; and 21 February, is President's Day (in the USA)!
All links open in a new window.
The Official Site of the Punxsutawney Groundhog
Everything you could ever want to know about the celebration of Groundhog Day!
Holiday Insights: Fat Tuesday
A little explanation of the origin of Fat Tuesday.
The Season of Lent
A very well done site by Rev. Ken Collins. When you've read all about Ash Wednesday and Lent, try going to his start page and browse everything else he has to offer. I've added this one to my Favorites for future reference!
Get a FREE Cross Necklace!
Simply agree to receive emails from six great Christian web site owners, and you can receive a beautiful cross necklace, postage paid! Don't waste another minute. Get your necklace now!
Holiday Page: President's Day
A very nicely done site which describes the origin of the occasion and provides two general biographies of the two American Presidents whose proximal birthdays and heroic lives inspired the holiday.
The Heart of Jesus
Maintained by Rev. Terry Merrick, who recently requested a link swap with Parson Place.
Live the Abundant and Prosperous Christian Life
Encouraging articles, relevant scriptures, interesting thoughts, great inspiration, funnies, and links to great home-based businesses, health products, and wholesale inspirational gift products. Maintained by Daniel N. Brown, who recently requested a link swap with Parson Place.
His Glorious Words
An online Christian bookstore owned by Roger Pendleton, who also recently requested a link swap with Parson Place.
Earn money just for taking surveys, reading emails, taking trials of products or services, and more! If you can spare the time, you can earn the money!
Internet ScamBusters #109
Get their predictions for the top ten Internet scams in 2005. Most enlightening!
The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)
The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:
Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.
God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!
If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to email@example.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.