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The Parson Place Newsletter

December 2006   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* Christmas is just days away! Have you finished your Christmas gift shopping yet? If not, my book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, will make an excellent gift for your pastor, evangelism chairperson, church library, or the Christian computer enthusiast in your family or circle of friends. Right now, I'm offering a special, 33% Christmas discount through December 31st. It is also available for purchase in the online shops of some of the major bookstore chains. You can buy it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and Cokesbury, among others, as well as directly from Parson Place. If you go to the Froogle web site and type in the search term, "digital evangelism", you'll find numerous links to other online stores that carry it, too. If you want to get it from your local bookstore, you may need to ask them to order it for you. It is also available for ordering in the United Kingdom. Just give the book sellers the book's ISBN -- 1-59581-120-6 -- to place the order from any book distributor in North America or the UK. You'll need to compare the cost of shipping versus local taxes to see which way is the better buy for you.

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. These will make wonderful gifts to accentuate any books you give to your family and friends, or even for yourself. Remember -- you get FREE shipping on all bookmark orders, too!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Christmas is upon us, so check out what they have to offer now!

Buy discounted books and gifts from Christian Book Distributors

* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertize in The Parson Place Newsletter? Ad swaps welcome! View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!


Marketing Proposal

As the shopping centre's marketing director, I was putting the finishing touches on an ad. I asked Nancy, the newspaper's sales representative, how to spell "eligible." She wrote it down on a card she fished from her purse. I completed the copy, returned the card to her, and she left.

Not long after, I received a call from the manager of one of our shoe stores. He asked if I knew if Nancy was married. I told him I thought so and asked why he was interested. "She just gave me her business card," he said, "and on the back she's written 'eligible'."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Police Pastor

A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months. He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency. Among other questions he was asked, “What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?”

He thought for a moment and then said, “I would pass an offering plate.” He got the job.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Football Signals

A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father, so much so that he knew some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by shouting, "Touchdown!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Bird House Call

Wanda's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog, Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally, the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Birthday Greetings

Seen on a birthday card:

Forget about the past, You can't change it.

Forget about the future, You can't predict it.


Forget about the present, I didn't buy you one.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Quotable Quotes

"Live every day like it is your last - one of these days it will be." - Unknown

"Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working." - Pablo Picasso

"Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together." - Vesta M. Kelly

"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble." - Helen Keller

"The repetition of small efforts will accomplish more than the occasional use of great talents." - Charles H. Spurgeon

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei

"If you don't pay your exorcist, you'll get repossessed." - Unknown

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for these quotes!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: Christmas Cheer
by Rev. Michael L. White

With the passing of Thanksgiving Day began the "official" Christmas shopping season. Radio stations are now playing Christmas songs to put every one in the spirit of the season, and stores everywhere are playing Christmas music over their intercom systems to help put shoppers in a gift-buying mood. Even my wife has gotten into the spirit by playing some of our Christmas music CDs while she baked candy today for this weekend's annual bazaar at our church.

All this activity promotes a spirit of Christmas cheer, as we all begin to eagerly anticipate the wonderful celebration of Christmas Day on December 25th. I am personally looking forward to the weekly lighting of the Advent Wreath and preaching on the Sundays of Advent, and particularly, for the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service. These are always very meaningful services for me. Another service that is special to me is the Wesleyan Covenant Renewal Service, which I'm planning to hold on New Year's Eve this year. With all this preparatory activity, I'm getting excited once more about the Advent/Christmas Seasons and the celebration of our Lord's birth.

Truly, it's all this preparation and anticipation that adds to the Christmas cheer of the season. I hope you will enjoy it every bit as much as I do, and I wish you a very Merry Christmas. Even more importantly, in the infamous words of Dickens' Tiny Tim, "God bless us, every one!"

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

The Berlin Wall Between Church and State
A blog with lesser-known news stories.

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: Christmas Eve (December 24th), Christmas Day (December 25th), New Year's Eve (December 31st)
All links open in a new window.

All About Jesus
Great information, craft ideas for kids, and more at this fabulous site!

Keeping Christ in Christmas: A Catholic Resource for the Advent and Christmas Seasons
Loads of resources from Christmas carols to Christmas stories and poems to symbols and traditions!

Christmas Around the World
Describes how Christmas is celebrated in various nations around the world.

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

The new Internet Explorer (IE) 7 is a long-awaited and much-anticipated update to Microsoft's web browser. There are several great, new features to enjoy, but one I just recently discovered by accident is one I often wished for in previous versions of IE, namely, the use of the keyboard shortcut CTRL+D for instantly adding favorites to appropriate folders of my choosing. In previous versions, CTRL+D would simply add the site to your favorites at the bottom of the root folder. Now, however, IE7 actually asks you the folder where you want to save your site. No more having to move your favorites to a properly categorized folder. It's a stroke of genius!

If you haven't already done so, you can visit the IE7 download page to download it now. Be sure to read the About Internet Explorer 7 page for a full list of the new features.

That's all there is to it! If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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