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* I have also recently updated my latest software creation, QuickSort, to version 1.2. QuickSort quickly and easily sorts your text lists into either alphabetical or numerical order. Version 2.0 (a paid version) will be out soon. You can download the FREE version from the QuickSort registration page, so get your copy now!
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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!
- From a toy store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."
- In a bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."
- Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."
- From a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."
- In a Texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras: $70,000. Three for $200,000.
- A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."
- In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything: A calendar to remind him when payments are due."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Here is some diet news just in time for the holidays.
(A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans
(C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(D) The Italians drink large amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
--- Janet Pollock Brooks
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Dog's Rules For Christmas
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog cuddles.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: Don't pee on the tree... Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree... Mind your tail when you are near the tree... If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open... And Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree.
5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part: Not all strangers appreciate kisses and cleans. Don't eat off the buffet table. Beg for goodies subtly. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your spot on the sofa -- they don't know any better. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach unless you can get away with it...
6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important: Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important) Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house. Be nice to the kiddies. Turn on your charm big time.
7. If a big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh emerges from your fireplace in the middle of the night, DO NOT BITE HIM!!!
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton
This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.
The Parson's Ponderings: The Reason for the Season
by Rev. Michael L. White
I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "The reason for the season", many times by now, but I wonder if it has grown as trite as so many other worthy sayings through the years. What does "the reason for the season" mean, anyway? Perhaps there are numerous opinions about its meaning, but the true meaning is that Jesus is the reason for the season.
Christmas has nothing whatsover to do with Santa Claus (or St. Nicholaus, or Father Christmas, or Kris Kringle, or whatever other names he may be known by around the world). Christmas has nothing whatsoever to do with family get-togethers or holiday parties or festive decorations or scrumptious desserts or filling meals. Christmas has nothing whatsoever to do with gift exchanges. Christmas is all about two key points: that Jesus, the Messiah, was born into the world to save humanity from sin and eternal damnation, and that this same Jesus is going to return at a time known only to God, the Father, and finally rescue us from this horrible existence we live in. All of these other trappings that we've come to associate with Christmas are truly meaningless matters.
I want to invite and encourage you all this Christmas to focus more on why we have such a holiday as Christmas to celebrate in the first place. If it hadn't been for Jesus' birth, which changed the world and divided time, there'd be no reason to get together with family and friends to enjoy parties and sweets and meals and gifts. There'd be no reason to celebrate Christmas, because there'd be no Christmas to celebrate. Think about that while you're readying yourself to participate in and enjoy all of these activities. Merry Christmas, and as Tiny Tim said in Dickens' classic story, A Christmas Carol, "God bless us everyone!"
Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)
Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk
Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.
Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)
Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)
World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)
Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.
Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).
Holidays this month: 24 December 2004, is Christmas Eve; 25 December, is Christmas Day, and 31 December, is New Year's Eve!
A Top 10 Christmas at Peggie's Place!
Here's a Feature Article About the Parson of Parson Place!
This article was just published on Friday, 3 December 2004, in The Bayonet, a newspaper for the Ft. Benning, GA, community.
PARauthors - A free, friendly home for aspiring writers and published authors.
Earn points to apply toward a variety of items, just for answering surveys. Sign-up and participation are both FREE. Check it out!
The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)
The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:
Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.
God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!
If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to firstname.lastname@example.org. As always, I welcome your feedback.