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The Parson Place Newsletter

August 2006   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* If you're looking for that special Christian gift that demonstrates both high quality and spiritual inspiration, look no further! Angelic Gift Store has just what you're looking for. You'll find angelic figurines and wall hangings, crosses, candles and candle holders, household items, such as an inspiration tea service set, garden and holiday items, and much, much more! There's even a special discount JUST for Parson Place patrons! Check out the Sponsor's Spot in this issue for a link to the Angelic Gift Store web site.

* My book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, is available for purchase in the online shops of some of the major bookstore chains. You can buy it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and Cokesbury, among others. Go to the Froogle web site and type in the search term, "digital evangelism", and you'll find numerous links to other online stores that carry it. If you want to get it from your local Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million, or Cokesbury branch, or any other bookstore, for that matter, you may need to ask them to order it for you. It is also available for ordering in the United Kingdom. Just give the book sellers the book's ISBN -- 1-59581-120-6 -- to place the order from any book distributor in North America or the UK. You'll need to compare the cost of shipping versus local taxes to see which way is the better buy for you.

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. These will make wonderful gifts to accentuate any books you give to your family and friends, or even for yourself. Remember -- you get FREE shipping on all bookmark orders, too!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Christmas is upon us, so check out what they have to offer now!

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* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertize in The Parson Place Newsletter? Ad swaps welcome! View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!


Blockbuster Surprise

Without realizing it, I walked right into a police stakeout at my local Blockbuster. When a young man stepped out the door, a group of officers pounced, cuffing him and hustling him into a squad car.

Seeing my astonished, frozen expression, one cop came over and said, "When they say the movie is due by noon the next day... they mean it!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Let's Make a Deal with God!

Fred was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Fred looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

A Tale of Two Keys

Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage.

Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

What's for Dinner?

Jane had a system for labelling homemade freezer meals. She would carefully note in large, clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables" or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."

Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he never asked for any of those meals. She decided to stock the freezer with his various requests. What he really likes.

In Jane's freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food."

No more frustration for Jane, because no matter what her husband replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner, it's there waiting.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Quotable Quotes

"Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe."
- Unknown

"Something's wrong when kids run wild and dogs are sent to obedience school."
- Unknown

"If God intended us to eat seafood, why did He hide them underwater?"
- Ed Penland

"Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?"
- Unknown

"What makes airport security think they can find something in my wife's purse when she can't?"
- Unknown (or is it Anonymous?)

"Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today."
- Unknown

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."
- Sean O'Casey, playwright (1880-1964)

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for these quotes!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: Jesus Is Coming Soon!
by Rev. Michael L. White

I've been watching a lot of preachers and teachers on Christian television (CBN, CTN, INSP, and TBN) over the past few months, and one thing they all have in common is the sense of urgency that Jesus' return for us believers is imminent. I have believed all my life that Jesus would return during my lifetime, and hearing all these preachers and teachers echo it only reinforces my belief. My heart is starting to beat faster as I contemplate the prospect that His coming is nigh, even at the door. As John Hagee has put it in more than one of his sermons on the topic, "Jesus' hand is on the doorknob."

This is not the same door depicted in that famous painting of Jesus knocking at the door. In that painting, there is no doorknob on the outside, because it represents the door of our heart, whereby only we can choose to let Jesus in. This time, however, the door represents Jesus' return from Heaven, and the doorknob is only on Jesus' side of the door, so only He can open it. There's going to be a blast of a trumpet and a shout from the archangel (maybe he'll say, "Come up here!", as was said to John the Revelator and to the two prophets during the Great Tribulation in Revelation 4:1 and 11:12). Then the dead in Christ will rise, and we who are alive and remain shall join them as we are all caught up together to meet King Jesus in the air (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18)! Can you shout, "Halleleujah!"?

My dear brothers and sisters, the time is upon us. We need to be ready, and we need to alert everyone we meet to get ready. God will hold us accountable if we don't. (Read what He told Ezekial in Ezekial 33:1-9.) Warn everyone you can, and use whatever means available to you. Make phone calls; send cards and letters to your family and friends. Speak earnestly to your neighbors and co-workers. Send email, create web pages, participate in online chats and forums. Print brochures, newsletters, books. Hand out Gospel tracts. Do everything you can to spread the Good News about Jesus and His saving power and promise of everlasting life, joy, and peace, because the time is at hand.

I will never get to see some of you reading this while we live in this world, but the time is coming very soon when we shall indeed meet and embrace each other in holy love. May the grace, love, joy, and peace of Christ be with you ALL, both in this world and in the world to come. Amen and amen! "He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus" (Revelation 22:20 KJV).

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

The Berlin Wall Between Church and State
A blog with lesser-known news stories.

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: None
All links open in a new window.

As the time of Jesus' return draws near, God is raising up many prophets and teachers who are preparing the way for Him. Sid Roth and Zola Levitt are two examples. John Hagee, though recently scorned by Christianity Today's blog (who was referencing an article in the Wall Street Journal) for his stand for Israel, is another example. His book, Jerusalem Countdown, though I haven't read it yet, is causing quite a stir. I've been following his sermon series based on the book, and I plan to get my own copy of his book soon. Jack Van Impe and Hal Lindsey are yet two more examples of prophets and teachers who are calling our attention to the impending return of Christ. Dr. David Jeremiah has also been preaching a powerful sermon series on Paradise for the past few weeks. I urgently invite you to browse each of their web sites for more information about the last days and the return of our Lord. Brothers and sisters, lift up your heads, for our redemption is drawing nigh (Luke 21:28)!

Sid Roth's Messianic Vision
Sid Roth is a Messianic Jew who, like the Apostle Paul, has a burning heart's desire to share the Gospel with "the Jew first, and also to the Greek [or Gentile]" (Romans 1:16). You can watch his TV show, "It's Supernatural", on the Inspiration Network.

Zola Levitt Ministries
Zola Levitt, who died just a couple of months ago, was a Messianic Jew in the same spirit as Paul and Sid Roth, mentioned above. His ministry continues now under the leadership of Dr. Jeffrey Seif, who was recently appointed to carry on the teaching ministry of Zola. Zola's widow, Sandra, will also continue her joint ministry, which she had shared with Zola for the past 30 years. Watch them on the Inspiration Network, too!

John Hagee Ministries
John Hagee pulls no punches when he describes the destruction that God will bring upon every nation that participates in dividing the God-given land of Israel, which may be why he is being met with such opposition. The world's support of the U. S.-authored "Road Map to Peace" is truly disturbing. Watch his full-length service from his web site or on the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

Jack Van Impe Ministries
Like John Hagee, Jack Van Impe also "tells it like it is". You can get great prophetic insights from him by watching his program, Jack Van Impe Presents on the Inspiration Network.

Hal Lindsey Oracle
Hal Lindsey has one of the most detailed newsbriefs one can find regarding the relation between current events and Bible prophecy. Although you can watch his program only by satellite tv on Daystar, and AngelOne/SkyAngel, you can get all his commentaries and more from his web site. He has information you can't find in any of the secular media, including the infamous Fox News. You'll be amazed by what you learn!

Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah
Watch him preach his sermons on Trinity Broadcasting Network, Inspiration Network, and Daystar, among others. Browse his online resources, subscribe to his email newsletter, and more.

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

If you haven't upgraded to Internet Explorer version 7 yet, even though it IS still in beta, you don't know what you're missing! It has a sleek new look with a number of goodies that you may have enjoyed in other popular browsers for years now, such as tabbed browsing (one of the greatest inventions since sliced bread!). One terrific feature is the ability to send a page or link by email, or to send a shortcut to your desktop. Although Netscape has the option to send a page or link by email, it doesn't offer the option of creating a shortcut on your desktop. Furthermore, Netscape's option to send a page by email has the same result as sending a link (meaning it inserts a link in a blank email in both cases, plus, it insists on using Netscape Mail, instead of your default email client), so it leaves me wondering, "What's the difference?" Firefox 1.5 allows you to send a link by email, but not a page or shortcut, and Opera 9 doesn't offer either. In any case, if you like to send friends and family site links or entire pages by email, then IE7 is the browser that makes it easy to do. Give it a whirl!

That's all for now! If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

Angelic Giftstore
Angelic Giftstore- Christian Gift Site
Almost all items in store on *SALE*!
Offering an extra 10% off coupon upon checkout.
Coupon code is - parsonplace
Coupon is good until October 1, 2006
Plus *free* gifts for purchases over $45

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Feedback and Submissions

If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.

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