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The Parson Place Newsletter

April 2007   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

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* Parson Place Press, has recently published its first title as a brand new Christian publishing house, and this book is now available for purchase from the Parson Place Press Bookstore. Check out the Sponsor's Spot later in this newsletter for a special mention. The book, entitled Louisa, by Richard Emmel, is a truly inspiring, historical fiction story of tragedy and hardship overcome by Christian faith, and it is loosely based upon the life of colonial African-American poet, Phillis Wheatley. It will make an excellent addition to the library of anyone who loves a good, Christian story of triumph. In addition to the Parson Place Press Bookstore, you can also buy it from Barnes and Noble's, Amazon's, and Books-a-Million's online stores. You can find it most quickly by searching on its ISBN: 978-0-9786567-0-6. Check it out now!

* My book,Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!, is now available in the Parson Place Press Bookstore also, as well as on its own web site. It will make an excellent gift for your pastor, evangelism chairperson, church library, or the Christian computer enthusiast in your family or circle of friends. It is also available for purchase in the online shops of some of the major bookstore chains. You can buy it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and Cokesbury, among others, as well as directly from Parson Place. If you go to the Froogle web site and type in the search term, "digital evangelism", you'll find numerous links to other online stores that carry it, too. If you want to get it from your local bookstore, you may need to ask them to order it for you. It is also available for ordering in the United Kingdom. Just give the book sellers the book's ISBN -- 1-59581-120-6 -- to place the order from any book distributor in North America or the UK. You'll need to compare the cost of shipping versus local taxes to see which way is the better buy for you.

* Get your Parson Place Specialty Bookmarks now! They're beautifully designed and make an excellent accessory to any book, including The Holy Bible. These will make wonderful gifts to accentuate any books you give to your family and friends, or even for yourself. Remember -- you get FREE shipping on all bookmark orders, too!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!

Buy discounted books and gifts from Christian Book Distributors

* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertize in The Parson Place Newsletter? Ad swaps welcome! View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!



An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a sarcophagus containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum.

"I've just discovered the 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

The curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

For Whom the Bell Rings

St. Peter is very busy in Heaven, so he leaves a sign by the Pearly Gates: "For Service Ring Bell." Away he goes; he barely gets started when BING! the bell rings. He rushes back to the gates, but no one's there.

St. Peter goes back to work when suddenly BING! the bell rings again. He rushes back to the gates, but no one's there. A little annoyed, St. Peter goes back to work.

Suddenly, BING! the bell rings again. St. Peter goes back; again, no one's there. "Okay, that's it," St. Peter says. "I'm going to hide and watch to see what's going on." So St. Peter hides, and a moment later, a little old man walks up and rings the bell.

St. Peter jumps out and yells, "Aha! Are you the guy who keeps ringing the bell?"

"Yes, that's me," the little old man says.

"Well, why do you keep ringing the bell and going away?" St. Peter asks.

He replies, "They keep resuscitating me."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Front Row Seat

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please," she answered.

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered, "Let me show you the front pew."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Argument Settlement

The other day, Nancy and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would have said it was Armageddon.) As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error. To her credit, Nancy finally said, "Look. I'll tell you what. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I was right."

"Fine," I said.

She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm wrong."

I grinned and replied, "You're right."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

"Did God Make You?"

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me, too?"

"Yes, He did," the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.

At last, she spoke up.

"You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Go to Church, or Go Fishing?

Two men were fishing on a lake, feeling guilty that it was a Sunday morning, that they were not attending church, and the fish were not biting.

The first guy eventually says: "I should have stayed home and gone to church."

To which the other angler replied: "I couldn't have gone to church, anyhow. My wife is sick in bed."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Quotable Quotes

"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life." - William A. Ward

"In those times I can’t seem to find God, I rest in the assurance He knows how to find me." - Neva Coyle

"My childhood was rough. Once for my birthday my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away." - Rodney Dangerfield

"The world was made round so that we would never be able to see too far down the road." - Isak Dinesen

"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin." - H. L. Mencken (renowned journalist and atheist)

"Always do right - This will gratify some and astonish the rest." - Mark Twain

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for these quotes!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings: Happy Easter!
by Rev. Michael L. White

As I wrote in the March 2007, Parson's Ponderings, spring is my favorite season of the year. My favorite holy day of the year, Easter, also occurs in the spring. Easter is all about new life. We are reminded of Jesus' resurrection -- restored and renewed life -- and of the blessed hope that we, too, will one day have a new life with Him for all eternity. I pray that this year, as you enjoy all the activities that spring brings, and as you celebrate the resurrection of our Lord Jesus anew, think about the new life that is all around you and shout for joy to the King of kings and Lord of lords, the King of all creation! May we all enjoy a new life with Him forever and ever! Amen! Happy Easter!

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

The Berlin Wall Between Church and State
A blog with lesser-known news stories.

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: Palm Sunday (April 1st); April Fool's Day (April 1st); Maundy Thursday (April 5th); Good Friday (April 6th); Easter Sunday (April 8th)
All links open in a new window.

Christian Holy Days
Rev. Ken Collins' site is packed is helpful information about all the important holy days in Christendom, plus, a whole lot more!

Basic Christian's Jesus Walk 10 Day Easter Devotional
A useful tool for observing Easter

Open Clip Art Library
Submit or download clip art of all sorts

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

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This Issue's Web Tip

Do you like to use multiple search engines? Well, with Internet Explorer (IE) 7, you can now add as many search providers into IE7 as you can find! Here's how you do it. Choose Tools | Internet Options from the IE7 menu. The "General" tab is the default selection. Beneath the tabs, you'll find a series of sections. In the "Search - Change search defaults" section, click on the "Settings" button. On the subsequent dialog, you'll see your list of currently integrated search providers. If you don't see the one(s) you want to use, click on the "Find more providers..." link near the bottom of the dialog. A new instance of IE7 will open to Microsoft's page listing several search providers. Just click on the search engine link(s) of your choice, and another dialog will pop up asking if you want to add that search provider to IE7. It also has a checkbox you can select if you want to make this particular search provider your default search engine in IE7. Next, click on the "Add Provider" button, and the search provider will be automatically integrated into IE7 for you. Repeat the process to add other search providers. There's even a step-by-step list of instructions for how to add a search provider that is not included on their list. Is this a great country or what?

If you haven't already upgraded to IE7, you can visit the IE7 download page to download and install it now. Be sure to read the About Internet Explorer 7 page for a full list of the new features.

If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

Parson Place Press is a new Christian publishing house which has just published its first book, entitled Louisa, by Richard Emmel. The low introductory price will end soon, so order your copy now, before it's too late! The book's cover is featured at the right. Just click on its image to visit the Parson Place Press Bookstore, where you can buy your own copy and visit other segments of the site.
Go there now!
Buy this book now!

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Feedback and Submissions

If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.

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Christian News and Issues

Recommended Web Sites

This Issue's Web Tip

Final Remarks

Sponsors' Spot