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The Parson Place Newsletter

April 2005   Rev. Michael L. White, Editor/Publisher

MISSION STATEMENT: Using computers and the Web to promote Christian views and a faith-related community, Parson Place offers FREE software downloads, inspirational articles, pastoral ministry materials, a subscription-only newsletter, and much more. Be sure to visit Parson Place on the Web today, and spread the word to all your family and friends to come visit, too!

You can view past issues of The Parson Place Newsletter in the Archives section of Parson Place on the Web.

Add Parson Place to your Favorites now!


* Do you have your copy of my new book, Digital Evangelism: You Can Do It, Too!? It is now available for purchase at https://books.parsonplace.com. It will make a wonderful gift for your pastor, church evangelism or missions committee chairperson, or the computer enthusiast in your family. Get your copy now, and while you're at it, why not get one for the rest of your family and friends, too?

* I have also recently updated my latest freeware software creation, QuickSort, to version 1.4. QuickSort quickly and easily sorts your text lists into either alphabetical or numerical order. Version 2.0 (a paid version) is also available for immediate download for only $19.95. You can download either version from the QuickSort registration page, so get your copy now!

* The Parson Place Forum is temporarily offline, due to a security upgrade. When I finally get it back online, you can post messages and read messages others have posted on the following topics: General, Christian Issues, Christian Writers, and Military Chaplaincy, with perhaps more to be added later.

* Are you looking for great software at affordable prices? Broderbund Software has just what you're seeking, a wide variety of titles including educational, games, business and professional. See what they have to offer!

* Are you looking for inexpensive Christian books or gifts? There's no better place to buy discounted Christian books, resources, and gifts than Christian Book Distributors (CBD). They have the best prices anywhere! Check out what they have to offer now!

Buy discounted books and gifts from Christian Book Distributors

* Would you, or someone else you can recommend, like to advertise in The Parson Place Newsletter? View the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!

Amish Bumper Sticker

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign .....

Energy efficient vehicle.
Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step on exhaust.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*


The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed. The daughter of the family was with them, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait.

The child was about six years old, snub nosed, freckled, buck toothed and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her. Finally, one of them muttered to the other, "Not very p-r-e-t-t-y, I fear," carefully spelling the key word.

Whereupon the child piped up, "But awful s-m-a-r-t."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Honeymoon in England

On a visit to my wife's native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London's Gatwick Airport.

Tania headed for the British passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners' line. When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit.

"Pleasure," I replied. "I'm on my honeymoon."

The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other. "That's very interesting, sir," he said as he stamped my passport. "Most men bring their wives with them."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh

Four Year Ceiling

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her. At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling.

"Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted."

"Oh my, "the grandmother says. "He and I must have the same landlord."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

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Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton

This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.

The Parson's Ponderings
by Rev. Michael L. White

I have a special entry for this issue's Parson's Ponderings column. This is a poem I composed back in 1991, and I gave it as a Christmas gift to family members in 1995. I have recently had it published by Poetry.com, both on their web site back in the summer of 2004, and again in one of their anthologies, entitled Eternal Portraits, scheduled for release in the Spring of 2005.


What thoughts do play upon the minds
Of birds up in the trees,
And flowers swaying from the weight
Of bumbling bumble bees?

What sort of schemes and plans are made
By silly squirrels on trunks,
Who pause to perch upon a limb
And gnaw a nut in hunks?

What hopes and dreams do fill the hearts
Of children on the grass,
Who name the clouds, "A lamb! A pup!"
As each one makes its pass?

Because we do not know, we guess
And ponder nonetheless.

Copyright 1991, 2005 by Michael L. White

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Christian News and Issues

Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)

Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk

Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.

Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)

Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.

Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)

World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)

Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.

Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).

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Recommended Web Sites

Holidays this month: 1 April, is April Fool's Day.

All links open in a new window.

April Fool's Day History, Traditions, and Foolishness
Contains an excellent explanation for the origin and history of April Fool's Day.

Top Five Online Scams
You really must read this article to help protect yourself from these thugs!

Urban Legends Reference Pages
Ever wondered if that email virus warning you received from your co-worker or that urgent call to prayer you received from your mother and sister are genuine? Look it up on Snopes.com and read what they have to say about it. Never be fooled again!

Christian Computing Magazine
Now you can subscribe to Christian Computing Magazine for FREE! What are you waiting for? Subscribe today!

To the Sweet Taters in My Life
You may have seen or heard this before, but it still bears repeating nonetheless.

The Internet for Christians Newsletter
(read it online!)

The Christian Web Site Newsletter
For a complete list of current new additions, go to:

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This Issue's Web Tip

If you want to set or restore a certain web page as your default start page each time your browser starts, all you have to do is choose Tools | Internet Options from the Internet Explorer menu and click on the "Use Current" button, assuming the page is currently loaded in your browser. If you aren't presently at the web page you want to use, then you must either browse to it first or type the URL for the site manually into the "Address:" textbox on that same dialog.

If you want your browser to load a blank page each time it starts, then click on the "Use Blank" button. The "Use Default" button will set the Internet Explorer default site as your browser start page.

Once you've clicked on the button of your choice or typed in the URL of your choice, click on the OK button to save your preference. If you change your mind about making the change, simply click on the "Cancel" button or press the "Esc" key to abandon the operation.

That's all there is to it. If you have questions, feel free to email me, and I'll do my best to give you answers. If I don't know, I can, at least, refer you to someone else who can help you.

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Final Remarks

Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.

God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!

Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com

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Sponsors' Spot

To learn how to place your ad promotion here, view the Parson Place advertiser's page now for more details!

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Feedback and Submissions

If you have comments or questions about any issue of the Parson Place Newsletter or the Parson Place web site, or if you want to submit web site recommendations, jokes, news items, etc. for the newsletter, please send them by email to info@parsonplace.com. As always, I welcome your feedback.

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