"...those who marry will experience distress in this life...." So writes the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:28. How true this is!

According to Dr. Willard Harley, author of the book His Needs, Her Needs, men and women each have a set of five basic needs they expect their spouses to meet for them in marriage. This week, I'm going to cover each of these needs in pairs, one each day for both husbands and wives. I'll start at the bottom of the list and proceed in descending order to the number one need for husbands and the number one need for wives.

Today, I begin with need #5 for wives, Family Commitment. Wives need their husbands to be committed to their family, especially if they have children. Most men think they're doing this by providing a steady income, comfortable home, etc. While these are certainly very important, wives need and desire their husbands to balance their commitment of time and attention for their children's personal, moral, and intelligence development with their work. Reading stories, playing games, and spending time in many other ways are examples of how husbands can meet this important need and expectation of their wives. The man who plays the fools' game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while his wife and children languish in neglect, may discover his folly too late. Husbands, when you devote time to your families, your wives will love you for it and reward you in a variety of ways.

Now, the #5 need for husbands is Admiration. Women have long complained that men have big, super-sensitive egos, but I think this is a misunderstanding of this basic need for admiration which men have. The old adage, "Behind every great man is a great woman" is largely correct. Wives, you hold the key to your husbands' success in life. If you want him to achieve great heights, show him your genuine admiration, and he will excel at whatever he does. If he is skilled at something, let him hear you admire him for it. Even better, brag on him in front of your relatives and friends. Too often, I've seen the opposite of this where both men and women have cut down their spouses in public rather than built them up. Wives, be genuinely proud of your husbands, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man with whom you've chosen to share your life.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow when I will cover need #4 for husbands and wives. Until then, I'm Chaplain Mike White from 5-5 ADA in the 2nd Infantry Division, wishing you a good and glorious day.

"A man who will not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever." Such is the assessment of the Apostle Paul in his first letter to Timothy chapter 5, verse 8.

According to Dr. Willard Harley, author of the book His Needs, Her Needs, men and women each have a set of five basic needs they expect their spouses to meet for them in marriage. This week, I'm going over each of these needs in pairs, one each day for both husbands and wives. I've started at the bottom of the list and am proceeding in descending order to the number one need for husbands and the number one need for wives.

Today, I'm covering need #4, and for wives, it is Financial Support. Now, I can hear the husbands who listened yesterday saying, "But you said in need #5 for wives that they want Family Commitment over material wealth!" That's not exactly what I said. I said that while a comfortable income, home, etc. are very important, that does not mean we can neglect our families in order to get ahead on the job. Actually, wives need both of these: Family Commitment and Financial Support.

Men, learn when to call it a day and head home to spend some time with your family. This is not always so easy for members of the military, but it can be done. Earning a comfortable living is very important to wives, as is spending an appropriate amount of time making memories with the family. If your job doesn't pay enough to satisfy your wife's expectations, seek a better one. If your job demands too much of your time so that you have none left for your family, seek a better one. Of course, it's best to discuss these decisions as a couple rather than just making unilateral decisions that affect the whole family.

Now, need #4 for men is Domestic Support. What this means is that husbands desire their wives to keep the home fires burning by maintaining a clean, orderly house, by preparing regular, timely meals, by caring for the children, and by helping to create an atmosphere of peace and quiet. This is especially difficult for working wives in today's culture of double-income families. Increasingly though, more women are leaving the workplace nowadays in order to spend more time in the care of their children and households. Wives, you don't have to be Wonder Woman! Besides, Wonder Woman had neither husband nor children, but if you want to be beloved by both, Domestic Support is definitely an important need to meet not only for your husbands but for the whole family.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow when I will cover need #3 for both husbands and wives. Until then, I'm Chaplain Mike White from 5-5 ADA in the 2nd Infantry Division, wishing you a good and glorious day.

"Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight." So cautions wise King Solomon in his book of Proverbs chapter 12, verse 22.

According to Dr. Willard Harley, author of the book His Needs, Her Needs, men and women each have a set of five basic needs they expect their spouses to meet for them in marriage. This week, I'm going over each of these needs in pairs, one each day for both husbands and wives. I've started at the bottom of the list and am proceeding in descending order to the number one need for husbands and the number one need for wives.

Today, I'm covering need #3. For wives, it's Honesty and Openness. Men, this means that we must be honest and open with our wives in all matters. For instance, don't lie that you're working late, when in fact, you're going to the bar to hang out with the guys for a couple of hours. When your wife discovers the truth, as she inevitably will, her trust in you will be broken and that will drive a big wedge between you. If you're in the Army, you already know about Army Core Values. Well, if you apply the Army Core Value of Integrity to your marriage as well as you do to your dealings in the Army, your wife will love you for it.

Now, the #3 need for husbands is to have An Attractive Wife. No matter how shallow you may think this is, you won't change the fact that men are visually stimulated creatures, much more so than women. Why do you think there are so many scantily clad women plastered on every available billboard and magazine cover in the free world? Sex sells, but sensuality is even more important in marriage than it is in free enterprise. Ladies, if you let your physical appearance go after you've hooked your man, you may find yourself trying to hook another man before very long, and with an unattractive appearance, GOOD LUCK! Keep your figure curvy and trim just for him. If you use make-up, do so appropriately. Wear your hairstyle the way HE likes it; and dress fashionably for your husband. You'll be amazed at the renewed attention you'll get from him!

Be sure to tune in tomorrow when I will cover need #2 for both husbands and wives. Until then, I'm Chaplain Mike White from 5-5 ADA in the 2nd Infantry Division, wishing you a good and glorious day.

"Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." So directs the Apostle Paul in his letter to the Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 21.

According to Dr. Willard Harley, author of the book His Needs, Her Needs, men and women each have a set of five basic needs they expect their spouses to meet for them in marriage. This week, I'm going over each of these needs in pairs, one each day for both husbands and wives. I've started at the bottom of the list and am proceeding in descending order to the number one need for husbands and the number one need for wives.

Today, I'm covering need #2, and for wives, it's Conversation. It's a scientific fact that females are much more verbal than males, even from early childhood. Girls even learn to talk earlier than boys. Furthermore, someone did a study on how many words women and men use in any given day and discovered that women use something like 25,000 words a day, while men use only about 10,000. Unfortunately, men use up most of their words on the job, whereas their wives still have a large reserve yet to be used when they see their husbands again at the end of the day. Wives, give your husbands some time to unwind and relax in the evening before trying to engage him in meaningful conversation. Husbands, please understand your wives' need for conversation and devote some time each evening to discussing issues that are important to her.

Now, the #2 need for husbands is Recreational Companionship. Wives, even if you know absolutely nothing about your husbands' pastimes, and even if you have no desire to learn anymore about them, still, it behooves you to show a little interest in them from time to time. In fact, the more interested you genuinely are in your husband's recreational interests, the more beloved you will be to him. Best of all, if you can share in his recreational interests by participating with him, you will bond with him in a way you never thought possible.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow when I will cover need #1 for both husbands and wives. Until then, I'm Chaplain Mike White from 5-5 ADA in the 2nd Infantry Division, wishing you a good and glorious day.

"The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.... Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." So warns the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:3, 5.

According to Dr. Willard Harley, author of the book His Needs, Her Needs, men and women each have a set of five basic needs they expect their spouses to meet for them in marriage. This week, I'm going over each of these needs in pairs, one each day for both husbands and wives. I've started at the bottom of the list and have proceeded in descending order to the number one need for husbands and the number one need for wives.

Today, the one you've all been waiting for, the #1 need for husbands and wives. For wives, the #1 need is--are you ready?--Affection. Husbands, this usually translates into romantic acts, not sexual acts. If you pretend you're still courting your wife the way you did in your dating days, and if you do what you did during those happy times, you'll be right on target. Gentlemen, show your wives how much you love them with a continuous stream of words, cards, flowers, and gifts. Give them lots of hugs and kisses and caresses without expecting them to always culminate in sex. She will love you so much for it that she'll be more interested in having sex with you. Indeed, Dr. Harley calls affection "the environment in which to grow a wonderful marriage." Why don't you give it a try and see what happens. I can almost guarantee you'll be happy with the results.

Now, for husbands, the #1 need is--are you ready?--Sexual Fulfillment. Are you surprised, ladies? Probably not, but let me clarify something about this need, lest you miss it. Wives, your husbands don't only want to make love to you, but they want you to make love to them. Simply making your body available for sex is not fulfilling for your husband. He wants you to enjoy the experience of lovemaking with him every bit as much as he does with you. Otherwise, he is not truly sexually fulfilled. If you want to see a remarkable change in your husband, try seducing him once in a while and see what happens. I can almost guarantee you'll be happy with the results.

If you would like more information on how you can strengthen your marriage, contact your unit chaplain for assistance. S/he will be very glad to help. I'm Chaplain Mike White from 5-5 ADA in the 2nd Infantry Division, wishing you a good and glorious day.