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Reverend Fun's Weekly Cartoon!
Insurance Claim
The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim.
As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take.
Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh
How To Train A Cat
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Meet Your Neighbors
As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block.
All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly. They glared at us with looks of disgust. Suddenly, we realized why.........
we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them.
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Communion
Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.
When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johhny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating...
"If I can't eat, I won't pay!"
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Sunday School Lessons by Rev. Walter Albritton
This is a weekly instruction by Rev. Walter Albritton. Visit the Alabama-West Florida United Methodist Conference (AWFUMC) web site to read the most current one. To find out more about his inspirational writings and Christian ministry, visit Brother Walter's web site.
The Parson's Ponderings: A New Direction
by Rev. Michael L. White
The long-awaited news about whether I was to be selected for promotion to Major as a chaplain in the U. S. Army finally arrived when the official promotion list was published on Thursday, 18 August 2005. Those who weren't selected were notified the afternoon before to avoid having them find out in an insensitive, unprofessional manner. I learned that I wasn't to be on that list -- for the second time -- on Wednesday, 17 August. Because this is the second time, it means I now have six months to leave the active Army. The Army's policy is: you get two looks, and it's either up or out.
I can't say I wasn't expecting it, for I suspected this would happen all along. I can't explain it; I just had a feeling about it. My personal feeling is that if God had intended my selection in this process, He would have guaranteed it on the first consideration. However, I waited for this second consideration, just to be sure He hadn't postponed my selection for reasons known only to Him.
During this past year, my constant prayer has been: "Lord, if You want me to stay in the active Army, You make sure I get promoted, and if I am NOT promoted, I will take that as a sign from You that You want me to go in a new direction." Well, I guess He has made His decision clear to me now.
Having said all this, I am starting to contemplate with some measure of excitement what God has in store for me next. All I know at this point is that God has blocked my option of continuing my career as an active duty Army chaplain. I have a couple of options to consider with the Army Reserve, but I'll wait on discussing those until I know what God wants me to do. I will announce it here when I know for certain.
In the meantime, I strongly desire your prayers that God will make His plan for me known explicitly to me. Don't pray for me to get what I want, but instead, pray for God to get what HE wants. To do the Master's will is my earnest desire right now. I'm not entirely sure which direction I'll be going from here, but this one thing I do know: it will be in a new direction.
Thank you for your prayers, your concern, and your supportive encouragement. They mean the world to me. Enjoy the waning days of your summer (or winter, for those of you in the southern hemisphere), and may God bless you!
Agape Press News (Top Christian news headlines)
Christian News and Commentary at Cross Walk
Maranatha Christian Journal
Read all the current Christian news headlines at MCJ Online.
Praize News (Top Christian news headlines from the Praize Christian Network)
Religion News Service
Read the latest press releases from various religious groups.
Voice of the Martyrs Newsletter
(Keep abreast of the latest reports of persecution of Christians all around the world.)
World Net Daily (Extensive news from all around the world.)
Read Breakpoint commentaries on the Breakpoint web site. Breakpoint is a daily (M-F) radio and email commentary by Chuck Colson. They are always insightful, thought-provoking, and very apropos to our times.
Listen to Breakpoint commentaries from the Breakpoint web site (in real audio format - works with Windows Media Player and RealOne Player).
Holidays this month: Labor Day (5 September)
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Labor Day
Features useful information significant to the organization and history of Labor Day around the world.
Well, that does it for this issue! I hope you found something useful to share with others. You are welcome to share this newsletter with whomever, but PLEASE DON'T SPAM ANYONE with it.
God willing, I'll greet you again next month with another collection of the best of my Internet experience. May God bless you!
IHS,
mike
Michael L. White
Email: info@parsonplace.com
Web Site: http://www.parsonplace.com
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